October 24, 2020
Even now, as an adult, every day I still wake up,
Nervous system conditioned—ready for the crisis. Or
Even worse—the calm.
“Yay! Mommy is all better today!” Was
Response for this emotionally abused child.
I hope you don’t understand. And yet–
I know some of you do understand.
You’ve been there…
Years of conditioning
Training the child
To be on guard
Wears the nervous system down.
And so here I am.
You see, if another makes the same mistake—it is easily forgiven. However,
I was trained in a peculiar sort of way and slowly, over time,
My system let me know:
I could no longer add unnecessary stress to my system by pretending to be happy.
If I could not find a way to retrain my nervous system—my system would fail.
So here I am
Unpacking my self
To the very core…
Thank you for reading.