The Beginning of the End.πŸ™ƒ

October 6, 2019

Hi! My name is Nina–the N in NZain–and this is the beginning of the end of a year long commitment to my blog Growingupsideways:

Surviving Childhood Emotional Abuse, Politics, Religion and Sex.

Thank YOU! This blog wouldn’t still be here if not for YOU! There were times I wanted to quit…but your words comforted and I felt in YOU a kind heart. A mutually supportive friend. Although we have never met in person–together, here in the virtual world–we’ve created a little more love in the real world.

And none of this blog would ever have happened, if not for you, my LOVE…you know who you are…

Many years ago

You swept me off of my feet; and

When I sent you an

SOS–you didn’t let me fall…

You were kind,

Compassionate and


You caught me

UP! In


Encouraging words and


let me

back down

Reminding me of the time…

I am forever and a day grateful

We crossed paths


In the End

We made mischief & magic. And




Something new is

Being birthed here…and dying.

The Beginning of the End.

A different story





Own ashes.

All the lovely interactions here have been medicine to my wounded heart. As I read the stories of other survivors–I am humbled and comforted knowing we are not alone…we are everyone.

And as I work through and grow up–processing my own issues with abuse–I feel blessed to be here with you. Thank you for reading, for liking, and for helping me make this blog grow with ALL of your wonderful comments and emojis. Sometimes all you need is a 😊.

I’m the girl from NOWHERE

Who never truly belonged ANYWHERE

Traveled the world over…


Just trying to find my way HOME.

Born in AMERICA to

UKRAINIAN immigrants.


They did their BEST to make a BETTER life in the NEW COLD ONE.

Yes, they made mistakes (who doesn’t?).

They learned…they sacrificed…they died.

They planted trees. They made beautiful homes and communities:gardens for future generations so as to be remembered by well. They built churches to remind them what they had left behind. And they fought. Good Lord how they fought!

And they wept as well. With difficulty telling their stories in hushed voices, silence and pain. It is in the silence that I’ve come to understand just how terrible and awesome is this existence.

Now here I am, doing my best to hopefully entertain and inspire you, with these words and videos that are made entirely by me with the technical assistance of my dear husband and precious one. None of this exists without your love and support, Pa! None of it!

If you are enjoying what you see here, please let me know in the comments. Your kind words inspire me to continue creating new projects. And they definitely make me 😊

So please stay tuned to The Beginning of the End…and as always with love and gratitude,

Nina, NZain

Useful Idiots: Useless Politicians

September 21, 2019

This piece is from an earlier collection:

If after this post you decide to ‘unfollow’ me for political reasons–I don’t take it personally.

If however, you are curious–please continue.

Several days ago, in our small town, I witnessed a young man yelling at an older man:

“Where do you get your information on the Left!”

“Where do you get your information on the Left!”

“Where do you get your information on the Left!”

Notice, this isn’t a question, but as I was speaking to the older man’s wife, I responded:

“From my grandmother.”

If you are unfamiliar with the history of genocide in the Ukraine–and I am guessing you aren’t–because it’s not something we learned in public school; here is a good place to start.

My grandmother learned the bitter truth of just how far the Left would go to achieve their vision of Utopia. She made sure I knew the truth of what happened, so as not to be deceived again–as they were.

It’s difficult to know for sure just how many people, Ukrainians and Russians alike, were killed during this ‘man-made famine’ of the Left’s design, but it’s estimated to be 7 to 10 million.

May the blood and bones of my ancestors

Nourish the land that was taken from them;

And may they finally

Rest In Peace.

May Justice and Freedom reign; and

God bless ALL the leaders of the still-free world.

May WE ALL finally

Rest In Peace.

With love and gratitude,


Poetess:Magic WatersπŸ’¦

September 14, 2019

This piece is inspired by a comment from Lance Sheridan.

Thank you, Lance for your kind encouraging words. I have learned much from you.

She dips her pen in magic waters


Sensibilities stunned seeing


What she expected–


Her own self-reflection;


The entire universe

And galaxies within galaxies reflected…

She knows the words she is about to transcribe are not her own.


She knows these words will become the death of her.

She smiles–

Dips her pen


Begins to write.

With love and gratitude,