November 11, 2021
In massage therapy school I am learning something about myself.
My teacher recently asked me, “What is it that keeps you from being fully present and committed to life? Ask yourself why you are holding back?”
When will the rug get pulled out from underneath me? Simple as that.
Admitting I was lied to in my marriage…I will push away compliments now because I simply don’t trust them. What is it you are trying to take from me?
Simple as that.
But, if I give it first—you can’t take it. And if you don’t want it—I don’t have to make it personal. I just move on to someone else. Right? Easy. And so I still remain in control… but in this way I am still the one taking.
So now, for the first time in my life (sounds so dramatic) I have the opportunity to focus completely on myself. Give just to me. Make peace with who I am and where I have been.
And ask myself, “what is it I have to offer?”
There is a difference between taking and receiving. Taking is easy. There is no commitment…as long as the other is willing to be taken.
Taken advantage of.
It’s one sided. It’s control and power. But, when the source dries up; when there is no more to take— just simply move on. Blame the other, “you don’t give me what I need. You don’t make me happy anymore.” And the other is left wondering, “What could I have done differently?”
Nothing. But realize something: love doesn’t take; love receives.
And, in the receiving of the gift of love—love is given in return.
Simple as that.
And while it may seem contradictory because we have been so conditioned to believe “it is better to give than receive” to accept the compliment, to receive the gift—an exchange is completed.
Receiving is giving.
The one says, “I have nothing to give.” Then just receive. Just be receptive.
“But it’s difficult to receive.” Yes. It is.
And we have been hurt by those to whom we gave our love. By those who could not receive.
Thank you for this suffering. Without knowing pain I could not now know relief or the peace that follows. I could not receive this healing. I could not give.
Every morning we wake up to this gift of life—one more day is given to us. Start here. Start first thing in the morning. Just this. Receive this gift of life. Of breath. That’s all. Be thankful.
Our thanks is giving.
Just say a simple thank-you. Out loud. “Thank-you for this day.”
Thank you for this breath I receive from the air. Thank you for this warmth I receive from the sun. Thank you for this nourishment I receive from the water…and the soil. Thank you for this body I receive from my parents. Thank you for dying for me.
Thank you. I will rejoice and be glad.
Thank you for this suffering that teaches me to move quietly and gracefully through the day…fully aware of this pain…I offer to my own self compassion and loving kindness. I give to my own self understanding that this frustration I feel in this moment is only temporary and bound to change with time.
Time ephemeral; always fleeting.
Always moment to moment in motion in time—perfecting timing. Receiving and giving all that is life and death together always in a loving embrace.
All is right in life and death…joy follows suffering if we receive—with an open heart—both. There is nothing to take. We are given all of life to receive and we will give all our lives in return.
This is love.
Always fleeting sure-footed time. Never looking back except perhaps to appreciate all that ever was and is becoming now in this very moment again and again…and again.
In this moment I receive All of Life moving within and through my body..and into yours. This is love, and all we have, to receive and give.
You and me.
With love and appreciation, joy and sorrow.
NZain💚
Growing Up... 