Tense and Difficult Times…

January 14, 2021

Tension inside us.

Tension between us.

Tension all around us.

It is tension, not too tight

Not too loose,

Tension perfectly tuned making beautiful music

Inside us

Between us

All around us.

Can you hear the music?

Softly at first; quietly

A gentle hummmm…

A deep inhaling; a deep resonating


And then

A letting go; exhaling tension.

Can you feel it?

A peaceful smile arising from


–NZain 😀

A New Beginning…An Empty Journal.

January 3, 2021

Dear Friends,

At this time of year, as is my custom, I hibernate: a complete shutdown. However, as I have just renewed my WordPress for another year—I will soon start up year three of growingupsideways.blog with a change of heart and a new beginning…an empty journal and a pack of sharp pencils.

To all dear friends across the oceans and in all corners of the world—my love and gratitude for you allowing me and my thoughts into your life. Thank you for visiting; thank you for reading. And as always—thank you for sharing your thoughts and kind words of encouragement here with me! I am humbled and deeply touched by the kindness of bloggers. You inspire me in so many ways!

See you soon!

Nina 😊

Of Brokenness and Letting Go.

December 29, 2020

Of brokenness and letting go.

My “beginner’s mind” is a wounded monkey shot down out of a mango tree; who, once fallen, looks around and screams, “Where am I? How did I get here?” and “Who shot this arrow into my heart?” then, looking up into the tree seeing hundreds of other screaming monkeys, “Perhaps I will just sit quietly for a moment and the answers will come to me.”

And into the monkey’s lap falls a ripe juicy mango…

The girl fell for the boy’s lies. I would think she learned her lesson—but no. And so she fell for another’s…and another’s. Then, she met you and said to herself (quite triumphantly), “Never again will I believe anyone!”

I wonder if she learned.

Right now, in the early morning hours of this still dark moment, I am tossing out dusty old habits and moth-eaten memories that have only served to fill up the space between us—I am cleaning house.

Someone is waiting just outside the front door about to knock…

How will you greet the new day of the new year? There is still time to let what holds onto you go with your blessings: there need be no fear of what happens next.

“Where am I? How did I get here?” and “Who shot this arrow into my heart?”

These answers come as easily as falling mangos into your lap.

NZain 💓

2020 began for me with this post

After a roller coaster ride of a year, I am grateful to say goodbye to the old and welcome the new! I wish you all a very happy healthy new year!

Merry Christmas Future Mother.✨

December 25, 2020

Continued from Grandpa’s Perpetual Compassion Dynamo. “A Complex Machine”

Dear future Mother,

Merry Christmas! I hope with all my heart and soul to meet you one day, and I pray to God your own parents be both kind, loving and generous. This world is a confusing, difficult place at times, dark and cruel; but don’t fear, mom—because in time you will come to understand just how courageous you truly are!

May your own mother teach you from the very beginning with patience and understanding and may you listen to her wise counsel even when you think you know more than she. Don’t turn away in anger against her if she admonishes you—believe me—Grandmother only wants what is best for you so you may grow up to be a healthy, happy woman with children of your own one day.

May your father (my grandfather) also teach you with kindness, patience and humility how to respect and love yourself so that you may respect and love your neighbors. This may be the most difficult lesson you will need to learn in life, so listen carefully to him and remember that he too had to learn from his father and no one is perfect.

If you can understand this, you can achieve all that your heart aspires to and more! The potential of you knows only the bounds of your own imagination. So be careful, mom that you don’t let your imagination run too wild! I know this may be hard to hear, but please mom, for my sake—take care of yourself and your thoughts. There are those in this world who would have you believe all kinds of nonsense and lies about yourself. They would soon have you hating yourself for no good reason at all and trust me, mom: that’s not what our Heavenly Father intends for us! Yes, mom. Your Father and mine. Please remember this.

Somewhere in the world my future dad is going to find and ask you to marry him and I am so excited to meet him one day too! I hope he will be handsome and smart…and funny. (and I hope he likes animals) More than anything, I hope he will be a considerate man and that you will feel well-loved and cherished. Mom, take good care of dad and treat him well, remembering always (if you can) to be gentle and kind and compassionate with him. Respect, you are each other’s most precious gift to one another! Together, with love as your guiding light: there is nothing you can’t overcome! When times are tough, you are tougher together!

Trust that you both are honest decent people just doing your best to raise me to be a healthy happy woman with children of my own one day.

There is so much more I want to say to you, mom, but we will (God willing) have plenty of time together in the future. Until then, I will keep you and dad in my prayers and hope your families are safe and sound this year–keeping the Christmas spirit alive and well!


Your future loving daughter. (I wonder what name you will give to me?)

Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas to all!