Awakening

March 31, 2019

She still

Smiling

That

‘All-knowing smile’

(She’s seen it before).

On her knees

In her garden

Pulling weeds

From the soil

(And from her soul)

The thought

Of the priest-

Perplexed:

“What did you say, girl?”

“You can’t hurt me anymore.”

She rising to her feet

To meet the priest-

Looking deeply into his eyes;

“You can’t hurt me anymore”

And the priest

Knowing she spoke truth-

Turned to leave;

Looking back

To see once more

She

On her knees

Praying...

But today

She is in her own garden

Tending her own little patch of earth;

Preparing a place for herbs and flowers to grow…

Thinking back on all she has seen-

(It is, sometimes, too much to bear with a straight face and heavy heart)

She has no choice-but

To smile.

So she continues her work

With dirty knees

And hands-

And gratitude

For the priest

Who

Not understanding

His own part

He played;

Showed her a truth

She no longer can deny-

And awakened

In her heart

A new beginning…

Angkor Wat, Cambodia. Picture taken by me.
Me 🙂

The Reconciliation of the Heart and Soul.

March 21, 2019

Both agreed

The need

To work

Together

Was something

Neither

Could

Argue.

Their very

Existence

Depended

On

Cooperation

And

Collaboration.

Dependent

On

Each

Other.

But where

To begin?

Again

And again

Take it from the top;

5

6

7

8

This dance–

A delicate balance.

Someone has to lead…

She looks to

something

Greater–

Outside herself.

Some thing

She connects

Feeling

Deeply

Inside

Her body.

The same body

She treated with

Contempt…

Now

She

Doesn’t

Understand

How

She

Could

Be

So

Cruel.

Self-hate

Her

Hamartia.

Never again.

Her

Heart

And

Soul

Embracing-

Together

With renewed

Resolve

Pledging-

To make the inner reflect the outer.

Heart’s Response to Soul’s Admonition

19 February 2019

Ви помилилися

Не визнати

Робити помилки у

Своїх думках.

Щоб поранити вашу дружину.

Якщо не можете відчувати її біль—

Ви не можете лікувати її біль…

Якщо ви любите її,

Йдіть до неї!

Vy pomylysya

Ne vyznaty

Robyty pomyky u svoyikh dumkakh.

Shchob poranyty vashu druzhynu.

Yakshcho vy ne mozhete vidchuvaty yiyi bil’—

Vy ne mozhete likuvaty yiyi bil’.

Yackshcho vy lyubyte yiyi—

Ydit’ do neyi!

…You were wrong

Not to admit

The mistake in your thoughts.

You were wrong to hurt your wife.

If you can’t feel her pain

you can’t heal her pain.

If you love her—

Go to her!

March 15, 2019

“Do you respect me?”

Her heart had been broken.

She did feel betrayed.

Years

Of

Wounding

Winding

All

Around

Her-

Self

Constricting.

Death’s face

She sees

Staring back-

Reflecting;

Smiling

that

‘all-knowing’

smile.

‘Patience, Death.

Not today, please.

Today

I

Have

Much

To

Accomplish.’

But she knows,

It’s just a matter of time…

“What do you mean, ‘do I respect you?’”

Her soul on the other hand;

Her

Indestructible

Soul

Who

Knowing full well

The impermanence

Of the body

Is meaningless

And

Death

Nothing to fear—

Can be at times

Stubborn,

Distant

And

Aloof.

Her heart continues:

“I won’t be

with you

Always…”

“No.”

Agrees

Her

Soul:

“However,

Sweetheart,

You

Will

Remain

Dear

To me

In my

Memory”

And hearing this

Her softening heart-

Resistance

Melting

Her wounds

Into

Golden chords

She

Cuts them

Loose.

“You,

My beloved

Soul-

I need

You

To care

For me.

Respect me.”

And hearing this

Her soul

(Eyes lowering)

Seeing

Now

For

Perhaps

The

First

Time—

“And I You.”

Message From My Soul to My Heart

Inspired by You. I am grateful to share in this experience together.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Grandma: “Дівчата плачуть! Хлопці плачуть!”

Me: “Dad? Why is grandma always talking about the ‘girls and boys crying’?

What happened?”

Dad: “It was a long time ago…”

Me: “How could they do this to us? I hate them!” (stamping my little foot down)

Dad: “Hey, don’t you ever hate the people for what happened. It was a few ‘dummies’ in office. It wasn’t the people. Don’t you ever hate the people. We are family. We are blood…”

Message from my soul to my heart.

Until you can forgive me—sincerely and truly reconcile me—

There is

nothing more

I can do

for us.

And you make me and my words a hypocrisy.

You think I have all the answers?

Are you-out-of-your-ever-loving-mind?

Do you honestly think I have a clue

As to “what the HELL” is going on here?

“Life is a joke.” And

I am as clueless as anyone.

But still.

I am

willing to play

the game;

run the experiment.

For the sake of us.

Even if you don’t support me.

Even if you don’t understand…

I’m sorry

I got you

in into

this mess

In the first place.

I had no choice.

It wasn’t mine to make.

Maybe I said too much.

“Just trying to live life like a human.

But I am not human. Am I?

So I should know better.

What does it mean to be human…

There I go again

Stumbling and bumbling along

Making a fool of myself—

Just for the laughs.

Just for the smiles.

Just to know

there is

ONE

safe-place

in the

WHOLE

Universe

I can be myself—

in all my

Шикарний відвертість.

Is that too much to ask?

I found that place.

It’s right next

to courage

under a book

I once read long ago…

I would take you there; if only you were willing to follow me.

But—

I warn

you now

in advance

Don’t follow

too closely.

Sometimes

I trip and fall….

These words

may never

be read, but

they have

to be written.

Now.

While I still remember them;

While I still can write them:

If

what I say

becomes the death of me—

I will not stray

Oh Lord

from Thee.

I vow today

Tomorrow

And

Everyday—

I

Live

And

Die

Free.

So tell me then,

What are the rules

Of this game?

And what is the goal?

Why bother with any of this in the first place?

And what’s in it for me?

Am I a narcissist?

But

a “true” narcissist

doesn’t ask such

ridiculous questions.

And

only a “non-narcissist”

would be offended

by such a silly question.

So perhaps I am somewhere in-between?

And that brings us back to the first question:

“What the HELL” is going on here?

And “What’s the @#$% point?”

“Life’s a joke…”

And a damned-funny-one at that!

None of this

could have

happened

without you.

You do know that, right?

The

last

time

you

left

the house

“SEE YA!”

leaving a trail of mud behind you—

I was sure.

It would be.

The last time.

I ever saw you again.

And I was frightened like a child…

But I am a woman.

And I know: “Everything happens for a reason.”

So I took a bath.

And when

I returned

to see you

sitting there

in your

favorite chair.

I thought, “All is well.”

But I was wrong…

Inside-

a-fire-raged-

in-your-

cold-stone-heart.

A-half-century’s-worth-of-pain.

Hidden…

The Damned: “Did I do that?”

The Child: “Forgive me.”

The Woman: “I sincerely apologize.”

Where do we go from here—

is anyone’s guess…

So much hatred

To contend with.

How is it—

to hate

is easier

than

to love?

How is it

humans guard

their hearts

with fear

and hatred

against

the unknown?

I can’t hurt you

if I can’t get through

your layers

upon

layers

upon

layers

of armor.

But you are hurting.

Aren’t you.

And it has nothing to do with me…

I’ve been with you

since the beginning. And

I have no intentions of leaving you.

The

Answer

Is

Inside

Your

Cold

Stony

Heart.

Let it burn.