Tag: #poetry#divorce#healing

A Man Named Joshua.

October 12, 2020

Continued from Falling in Love With You.

Now, sitting in her car she wonders aloud, “Dear Lord, is there one man in this whole broken world who—“

She stops herself from saying the words wrestling within her heart and instead finishes, “…who can help me write the next line?”

With a sigh she turns towards her companion—a box of books sitting next to her on the passenger seat—and as she is known to do in difficult times, she takes the book on top, closes her eyes, and opens up to a random page.

“John 10:34 Jesus answered them, ‘Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?’”

With a chuckle on the exhale and a note to the side, Psalm 82, “This will certainly do!” She exclaims.

And then a gentle reminder to herself, “One step at a time…turn on the ignition, put the car in drive, foot off the brakes and now give it some gas. Goodbye my love…”

–NZain💓

Thank you for reading. Your thoughts are always welcome here.

Falling in Love With You.

October 12, 2020

Continued from I Love You. I Divorce You. I Set You Free.

She gathered her belongings, shook her head and quietly laughed, “When did I collect so much yarn and what was I planning to make that I still have yet to crochet?”

And then, she recalled those fateful words he said to her so many years ago, “I think I’m falling in love with you…”

Now, no longer afraid to speak her peace, or questioning whether her words have lost their relevancy—she pens a quick note:

What’s the point

Holding onto your painful past memories when

Here we are in this present moment and

You will never have this time with me again?

You grieved for her then.

Now, will you also grieve for me?

I hope your heart may heal from all the hurt it has ever known and may you learn to walk in love without ‘falling’…with your heart as clear and open as your eyes, able to offer the best of yourself and able to receive the best of love. I hope this for me too. May it be in peace.

Tucking her note into his lone coffee mug, looking around the kitchen (where together they spent so much of their time) one last time—she walks away.

And now, sitting in her car she wonders aloud, “Dear Lord, is there one man in this whole broken world who—“

She stops herself from saying out loud the words wrestling inside her heart and instead finishes, “…who can help me write the next line?”

–NZain💓

The Story of My Life.

November 3, 2019

I don’t want to believe

You would still hurt me

Like you do. Like you did this morning.

We just can’t seem to get through

To one another–we need each other. Now.

More than ever. Now. We need

Each other’s loving arms wrapped around;

Holding each other up–not

Tearing each other down.

Not-when-there-are-dark-forces-all-around-us-that-would-pull-us-apart-just-to-spit-in-our-faces-while-they-are-dragging-us-to-hell-laughing-at-our-folly.

Is this really what you want?

Is this how you really want to continue?

I can’t stop you from becoming angry with me. I can’t

Stop you from doing anything. I don’t always

Agree with the things you do.

And I AM SCARED.

I’m scared of what you might do to me…physically or emotionally–hurt

Is hurt. You know it. I know it.

I do hope one day you learn to

Control your own anger. Not

With drugs, alcohol or sex; with

Patience and compassion.

Is this me ‘telling you what to do?’

As you said to me this morning: “deal with it”.

I’m telling myself as well…

I hope you are

Smiling right now–because I

Don’t say this out of spite as much as sadness…and

Hope. (Maybe there is still some spite mixed in with the sadness; but

there is always more hope :))

And I don’t say this lightly…I wish you one day find the peace you are looking

For. And may you attract a stronger woman than myself. I give up.

I can’t help you heal your broken-heart–if

You won’t let me in.

What ever happens now

I won’t soon forget you.

In this life

Or the next.

Your once loving

Always loving

Best friend

The one you laugh with, live for–

Dream with.

Do you remember the time?

I couldn’t wait to be with you again.

We rushed in headlong

Not looking where the road may lead. Ok.

We did what we did. Not

Easy to swallow when the

Medicine burns.

Forgiving ourselves is more

Difficult than forgiving

One another. No?

Once, long ago I asked you if

You would marry me. Now

I’m asking you if

You will divorce me.

I don’t ask this lightly

And I’m not asking out of hate.

(I know you feel the same)

“I love you…I can’t take anymore.”

Inside–I’ll be ok.

I’ve met good kind people who

Encourage me to keep going—

Keep healing and keep sharing

My poetry and my art. For this,

I am grateful.

I know there will be other difficulties

Getting back on my own two feet again; and

I sure would appreciate your help.

And please–before you get

Involved with someone else. Ok?

I just don’t want to make the same mistakes again…

Yes, when you met me I was

Incredibly naive about taxes and

Everything else adult.

You know this.

And you knew I

Carried heavy baggage.

Too young. Too pretty. Too proud.

Too easily seduced.

Now, I’m too old. And

Not so pretty anymore.

Still proud.

But not so easily seduced either.

I have you to thank for this.

If you have read this far. I appreciate your time and the time

We did share together. Laughing. Dreaming…

Short though our time together was; I could write a million more words.

I’ll stop here instead.

As always,

With love and gratitude,

NZain.