Imagine My Surprise. And Disgust…

May 20, 2020

Based on actual recent events.

Can everyone agree grocery shopping is just—different?

This happened last week…

My husband and I made our way to the check out lane. A woman (Dare I say ‘cougar’? Think ‘man-eater’.) beckons to hubby, “Oh it’s ok, you can come closer, I’m not afraid—I take my vitamins…”

WARNING! WARNING!

Imagine my surprise when hubby chuckles and takes a step closer…

Imagine my disgust* as instinct kicks in to move the body into action:

“Strategically position yourself between hubby and predator! Do it now!

And don’t take your eyes off threat!”

And with a final look to my husband as if to say, “Sorry your wife is so dull and gloomy…and sorry there will be hell to pay for laughing–but it was worth it…”

Listen, Jezebel—

I see you

He sees you

We all see you. And

We all hear you too.

And if what I had was in fact Covid-19 trust me—you don’t want to stand so close.

This virus will wipe that smug smile right off your pretty face. So, when your son arrives home from Louisiana (yes yes we all heard) and you, no doubt, lavish him with hugs and kisses…good luck.

As for me and my family—please keep your distance.

(Did I mention I had a terrible tension headache that day?)

So we arrive home and are putting away our groceries when I mention to hubby, “She was rather bright, eh? You thought she was funny–laughing at her remark.”

“Oh, you mean the woman in line at the grocery store?”

(Yes yes the one with the bright neon-pink toes!)

“She was pleasant enough.”

“Really?”

Silence…

Cue Maneater.

“Hmmm…are there really women like that? I guess I just don’t notice.”

Ahh my sweet and sometimes adorably naive husband!

How grateful I am to you these last several months of quarantine together. When I needed comfort—when I couldn’t breathe—you were right there holding me in your loving arms with Eucalyptus steam…

The world is changed. Everything is just—different—for better or for worse remains to be seen but one thing remains certain: “…watch out boys…”**

–NZain💓


*Disgust (Middle French desgouster, from des- dis- + goust taste, from Latin gustus; akin to Latin gustare to taste) is an emotional response of rejection or revulsion to something potentially contagious[1] or something considered offensive, distasteful, or unpleasant. —–Wikipedia

**https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maneater_(Hall_%26_Oates_song)