Message From My Soul To My Heart Again. 💘

December 11, 2019

This piece I’ve posted before. I hope it’s still relevant today. Maybe even more so.

WLaG,

NZain

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Grandma: “Дівчата плачуть! Хлопці плачуть!”

Me: “Dad? Why is grandma always talking about the ‘girls and boys crying’?

What happened?”

Dad: “It was a long time ago…”

Me: “How could they do this to us? I hate them!” (stamping my little foot down)

Dad: “Hey, don’t you ever hate the people for what happened. It was a few ‘dummies’ in office. It wasn’t the people. Don’t you ever hate the people. We are family. We are blood…”

Message from my soul to my heart.

Until you can forgive me—sincerely and truly reconcile me—

There is

nothing more

I can do

for us.

And you make me and my words a hypocrisy.

You think I have all the answers?

Are you-out-of-your-ever-loving-mind?

Do you honestly think I have a clue

As to “what the HELL” is going on here?

“Life is a joke.” And

I am as clueless as anyone.

But still.

I am

willing to play

the game;

run the experiment.

For the sake of us.

Even if you don’t support me.

Even if you don’t understand…

I’m sorry

I got you

in into

this mess

In the first place.

I had no choice.

It wasn’t mine to make.

Maybe I said too much.

“Just trying to live life like a human.

But I am not human. Am I?

So I should know better.

What does it mean to be human…

There I go again

Stumbling and bumbling along

Making a fool of myself—

Just for the laughs.

Just for the smiles.

Just to know

there is

ONE

safe-place

in the

WHOLE

Universe

I can be myself—

in all my

Шикарний відвертість.

Is that too much to ask?

I found that place.

It’s right next

to courage

under a book

I once read long ago…

I would take you there; if only you were willing to follow me.

But—

I warn

you now

in advance

Don’t follow

too closely.

Sometimes

I trip and fall….

These words

may never

be read, but

they have

to be written.

Now.

While I still remember them;

While I still can write them:

If

what I say

becomes the death of me—

I will not stray

Oh Lord

from Thee.

I vow today

Tomorrow

And

Everyday—

I

Live

And

Die

Free.

So tell me then,

What are the rules

Of this game?

And what is the goal?

Why bother with any of this in the first place?

And what’s in it for me?

Am I a narcissist?

But

a “true” narcissist

doesn’t ask such

ridiculous questions.

And

only a “non-narcissist”

would be offended

by such a silly question.

So perhaps I am somewhere in-between?

And that brings us back to the first question:

“What the HELL” is going on here?

And “What’s the @#$% point?”

“Life’s a joke…”

And a damned-funny-one at that!

None of this

could have

happened

without you.

You do know that, right?

The

last

time

you

left

the house

“SEE YA!”

leaving a trail of mud behind you—

I was sure.

It would be.

The last time.

I ever saw you again.

And I was frightened like a child…

But I am a woman.

And I know: “Everything happens for a reason.”

So I took a bath.

And when

I returned

to see you

sitting there

in your

favorite chair.

I thought, “All is well.”

But I was wrong…

Inside-

a-fire-raged-

in-your-

cold-stone-heart.

A-half-century’s-worth-of-pain.

Hidden…

The Damned: “Did I do that?”

The Child: “Forgive me.”

The Woman: “I sincerely apologize.”

Where do we go from here—

is anyone’s guess…

So much hatred

To contend with.

How is it—

to hate

is easier

than

to love?

How is it

humans guard

their hearts

with fear

and hatred

against

the unknown?

I can’t hurt you

if I can’t get through

your layers

upon

layers

upon

layers

of armor.

But you are hurting.

Aren’t you.

And it has nothing to do with me…

I’ve been with you

since the beginning. And

I have no intentions of leaving you.

The

Answer

Is

Inside

Your

Cold

Stony

Heart.

Let it burn.

My Testimony Part 3. “…are we there yet?”

December 7, 2019

If I tell you the truth

As it was told to me

You will say:

“SHE’S A DAMN LIAR!”

Too hard is the truth to see with open eyes.

So I paint you a poem that

You may

“See”

With an open heart.

They came in the night; unprepared

were we. With only a promise in hand; we

had to flee. To ANOTHER’S land where WE

could be free. In GOD we trusted our Liberty.

We know now is the time to face the injustice and insanity…

Our accusers met on a field by Thee lain.

Atonement for the lives of the innocent slain.

(Dear God have mercy on those who believe in your promise to return in OUR darkest hour of need. Fulfill your promise and teach us again of JOY! And LAUGHTER…Restore the glory of YOUR KINGDOM on Earth as it is in Heaven...but first, there was a

war in Heaven.)

First, They took my husband and our four sons; in a river of blood

Drowned. Just like in “old Pagan days”

Baptism by

Force.

KILL THE PAGANS FOR THEY ARE PEACEFUL AND PROSPEROUS…

and I AM a jealous God”

Was what their book said.

“Nothing will save you”

Said the poet.

And Loki thought to himself:

(I will teach them to hate one another…that through their own understanding they may come to know love.)

Next, They raped our daughters so that in shame we would live long lives to tell our stories one-by-one of how we survived by treachery, lies and depravity.

A broken spirit dies not, but waits–longing–to tell HER tale.

And I,

Mother

Alone survived;

Devoured my unborn-child to be born once again.

Do you understand?

Plain English cannot fathom

The depths of heart-ache

For those whom life was taken away…

Only in song.

The Anguish of a Nation

Left to rot in the fields…

Bone, blood and tears

Fertilize and revitalize

The Earth.

Love will make her moist…again.

The lie They would have me believe

On my Grandmother’s grave–I cannot.

Our future is tied together.

United States. Ukraine. Russia.

NATO…

Will WE see

Eternal Peace?

Or

Scorched Earth.

The choice is always ours to make.

WLaG

NZain

My testimony. Part 1 🙏🏻🇺🇸❤️🇺🇦❤️🇷🇺🙏🏻

December 4, 2019

Growing up American, the daughter of Slavic immigrants, (we called ourselves “Ukie”) I learned Ukrainian as a child. But not as a child would…

A long convoluted story cut short–I began again with the help of the internet–to learn Ukrainian by translating my poetry. And, as Ukraine has a long history of poets, I feel right at home.

Of course, I make mistakes. I am still learning.

This piece is from an earlier collection I wrote for my Russian brothers (and sisters too!) It is a call for reconciliation of the past and hopes of a brighter future for our children. A prayer for peace. World peace.

Maybe it hurts. Maybe it helps. I hope it heals. I am forever grateful to my family for what they sacrificed–so I can now freely speak.

I am grateful and proud to be an American Ukie woman.

God bless our world leaders. Pray for America, Ukraine and Russia. Our future is tied together.

💓 NZain

PS. I will post the translation in the next post. Part 2.

Please forgive my errors. I am still learning. And practicing.

Song For My Unborn Child

пані америка

Ukie жінка

вродлива лековажна жінка

жалюгідна жінка

маленький метелик

моя душа українська страждає.

я не розумію чому ми воюємо.

вони схопили з ферма діда. вони спалили дім бабусі. вона плаче…

однак я не ненавиджу вас.

я твоя сестра!

ти пам’ятаєш наша червона кров наше походження змішалися разом завтовшки?

що шкодує.

може вода очистити нашу ганбу. і я можу назвіть вас моїм братом наново.

мир мир вічний мир.

I Am A Hot Mess!💥

July 29, 2019

Hello dear friends,

I’ve not been posting so much this past week as I’m nursing a broken thumb. Ouch. Seven stitches. Yep. A moments inattention while splitting wood, and I split my thumb right open. Pinched my thumb in a log. An alligator log. Chomp! How is that for a visual? The photos are pretty gruesome, so if anyone wants to see them…

The human body is amazing and after a week now, I’m doing much better, but still don’t have use of that precious human opposable thumb. Sigh. I am however, super grateful for modern emergency medicine and antibiotics. I don’t have to amputate! Yay! Well, at least not yet. Hopefully, all goes well and stitches come out in another week.

And then there are wild fires about an hour from where we live. While we aren’t in any immediate danger (some 600 homes are 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻) the smoke is hazardous. I’ve always said that in my garden is where I feel closest to heaven–well it’s like hell outside right now. Breaks my heart cause this fire is human caused. Illegal campfire. Started as five acres and last count it’s grown to roughly 12,000. So unnecessary.

So, while I am a complete hot mess I just want to say thank you to all you super kind folks here. Your warm hearted friendship is so dear to me. Every comment, every kind exchange is good medicine indeed. Every emoji ❤️😊🙃🐿👍🍦🍪🍰🐙🐭😇 makes me smile. And all the love, hugs and prayers gratefully received and given…this is a beautiful community. I so enjoy seeing all the different country flags! Just so grateful we can connect all over the world.

Well, I do hope to post again soon. Don’t know where we will be. Depends on the which way the wind blows. Just know that you are All in my thoughts and prayers. Be well dear friends.

With love and gratitude,

Nina 🙂