Message From My Soul To My Heart Again. 💘

December 11, 2019

This piece I’ve posted before. I hope it’s still relevant today. Maybe even more so.



Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Grandma: “Дівчата плачуть! Хлопці плачуть!”

Me: “Dad? Why is grandma always talking about the ‘girls and boys crying’?

What happened?”

Dad: “It was a long time ago…”

Me: “How could they do this to us? I hate them!” (stamping my little foot down)

Dad: “Hey, don’t you ever hate the people for what happened. It was a few ‘dummies’ in office. It wasn’t the people. Don’t you ever hate the people. We are family. We are blood…”

Message from my soul to my heart.

Until you can forgive me—sincerely and truly reconcile me—

There is

nothing more

I can do

for us.

And you make me and my words a hypocrisy.

You think I have all the answers?

Are you-out-of-your-ever-loving-mind?

Do you honestly think I have a clue

As to “what the HELL” is going on here?

“Life is a joke.” And

I am as clueless as anyone.

But still.

I am

willing to play

the game;

run the experiment.

For the sake of us.

Even if you don’t support me.

Even if you don’t understand…

I’m sorry

I got you

in into

this mess

In the first place.

I had no choice.

It wasn’t mine to make.

Maybe I said too much.

“Just trying to live life like a human.

But I am not human. Am I?

So I should know better.

What does it mean to be human…

There I go again

Stumbling and bumbling along

Making a fool of myself—

Just for the laughs.

Just for the smiles.

Just to know

there is



in the



I can be myself—

in all my

Шикарний відвертість.

Is that too much to ask?

I found that place.

It’s right next

to courage

under a book

I once read long ago…

I would take you there; if only you were willing to follow me.


I warn

you now

in advance

Don’t follow

too closely.


I trip and fall….

These words

may never

be read, but

they have

to be written.


While I still remember them;

While I still can write them:


what I say

becomes the death of me—

I will not stray

Oh Lord

from Thee.

I vow today









So tell me then,

What are the rules

Of this game?

And what is the goal?

Why bother with any of this in the first place?

And what’s in it for me?

Am I a narcissist?


a “true” narcissist

doesn’t ask such

ridiculous questions.


only a “non-narcissist”

would be offended

by such a silly question.

So perhaps I am somewhere in-between?

And that brings us back to the first question:

“What the HELL” is going on here?

And “What’s the @#$% point?”

“Life’s a joke…”

And a damned-funny-one at that!

None of this

could have


without you.

You do know that, right?






the house


leaving a trail of mud behind you—

I was sure.

It would be.

The last time.

I ever saw you again.

And I was frightened like a child…

But I am a woman.

And I know: “Everything happens for a reason.”

So I took a bath.

And when

I returned

to see you

sitting there

in your

favorite chair.

I thought, “All is well.”

But I was wrong…







The Damned: “Did I do that?”

The Child: “Forgive me.”

The Woman: “I sincerely apologize.”

Where do we go from here—

is anyone’s guess…

So much hatred

To contend with.

How is it—

to hate

is easier


to love?

How is it

humans guard

their hearts

with fear

and hatred


the unknown?

I can’t hurt you

if I can’t get through

your layers





of armor.

But you are hurting.

Aren’t you.

And it has nothing to do with me…

I’ve been with you

since the beginning. And

I have no intentions of leaving you.









Let it burn.

My Testimony Part 3. “…are we there yet?”

December 7, 2019

If I tell you the truth

As it was told to me

You will say:


Too hard is the truth to see with open eyes.

So I paint you a poem that

You may


With an open heart.

They came in the night; unprepared

were we. With only a promise in hand; we

had to flee. To ANOTHER’S land where WE

could be free. In GOD we trusted our Liberty.

We know now is the time to face the injustice and insanity…

Our accusers met on a field by Thee lain.

Atonement for the lives of the innocent slain.

(Dear God have mercy on those who believe in your promise to return in OUR darkest hour of need. Fulfill your promise and teach us again of JOY! And LAUGHTER…Restore the glory of YOUR KINGDOM on Earth as it is in Heaven...but first, there was a

war in Heaven.)

First, They took my husband and our four sons; in a river of blood

Drowned. Just like in “old Pagan days”

Baptism by



and I AM a jealous God”

Was what their book said.

“Nothing will save you”

Said the poet.

And Loki thought to himself:

(I will teach them to hate one another…that through their own understanding they may come to know love.)

Next, They raped our daughters so that in shame we would live long lives to tell our stories one-by-one of how we survived by treachery, lies and depravity.

A broken spirit dies not, but waits–longing–to tell HER tale.

And I,


Alone survived;

Devoured my unborn-child to be born once again.

Do you understand?

Plain English cannot fathom

The depths of heart-ache

For those whom life was taken away…

Only in song.

The Anguish of a Nation

Left to rot in the fields…

Bone, blood and tears

Fertilize and revitalize

The Earth.

Love will make her moist…again.

The lie They would have me believe

On my Grandmother’s grave–I cannot.

Our future is tied together.

United States. Ukraine. Russia.


Will WE see

Eternal Peace?


Scorched Earth.

The choice is always ours to make.



My testimony. Part 1 🙏🏻🇺🇸❤️🇺🇦❤️🇷🇺🙏🏻

December 4, 2019

Growing up American, the daughter of Slavic immigrants, (we called ourselves “Ukie”) I learned Ukrainian as a child. But not as a child would…

A long convoluted story cut short–I began again with the help of the internet–to learn Ukrainian by translating my poetry. And, as Ukraine has a long history of poets, I feel right at home.

Of course, I make mistakes. I am still learning.

This piece is from an earlier collection I wrote for my Russian brothers (and sisters too!) It is a call for reconciliation of the past and hopes of a brighter future for our children. A prayer for peace. World peace.

Maybe it hurts. Maybe it helps. I hope it heals. I am forever grateful to my family for what they sacrificed–so I can now freely speak.

I am grateful and proud to be an American Ukie woman.

God bless our world leaders. Pray for America, Ukraine and Russia. Our future is tied together.

💓 NZain

PS. I will post the translation in the next post. Part 2.

Please forgive my errors. I am still learning. And practicing.

Song For My Unborn Child

пані америка

Ukie жінка

вродлива лековажна жінка

жалюгідна жінка

маленький метелик

моя душа українська страждає.

я не розумію чому ми воюємо.

вони схопили з ферма діда. вони спалили дім бабусі. вона плаче…

однак я не ненавиджу вас.

я твоя сестра!

ти пам’ятаєш наша червона кров наше походження змішалися разом завтовшки?

що шкодує.

може вода очистити нашу ганбу. і я можу назвіть вас моїм братом наново.

мир мир вічний мир.

I Am A Hot Mess!💥

July 29, 2019

Hello dear friends,

I’ve not been posting so much this past week as I’m nursing a broken thumb. Ouch. Seven stitches. Yep. A moments inattention while splitting wood, and I split my thumb right open. Pinched my thumb in a log. An alligator log. Chomp! How is that for a visual? The photos are pretty gruesome, so if anyone wants to see them…

The human body is amazing and after a week now, I’m doing much better, but still don’t have use of that precious human opposable thumb. Sigh. I am however, super grateful for modern emergency medicine and antibiotics. I don’t have to amputate! Yay! Well, at least not yet. Hopefully, all goes well and stitches come out in another week.

And then there are wild fires about an hour from where we live. While we aren’t in any immediate danger (some 600 homes are 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻) the smoke is hazardous. I’ve always said that in my garden is where I feel closest to heaven–well it’s like hell outside right now. Breaks my heart cause this fire is human caused. Illegal campfire. Started as five acres and last count it’s grown to roughly 12,000. So unnecessary.

So, while I am a complete hot mess I just want to say thank you to all you super kind folks here. Your warm hearted friendship is so dear to me. Every comment, every kind exchange is good medicine indeed. Every emoji ❤️😊🙃🐿👍🍦🍪🍰🐙🐭😇 makes me smile. And all the love, hugs and prayers gratefully received and given…this is a beautiful community. I so enjoy seeing all the different country flags! Just so grateful we can connect all over the world.

Well, I do hope to post again soon. Don’t know where we will be. Depends on the which way the wind blows. Just know that you are All in my thoughts and prayers. Be well dear friends.

With love and gratitude,

Nina 🙂

Eye Strain 🥺

May 16, 2019

Well, I’ve done it. Done it to myself.

Given myself a case of good ol’ fashioned

Computer eye strain. Yep. Working too much

And staring too long at the screen.

And this time Mr. Cat is making sure I nap-no peeking

No cheating…

Herbal eyewashes–time to shut down; go

Within and listen

To the Inner Voice…

I’ll be back, but until then

I leave you with a favorite piece from my story:

And From Your Ashes I Arise

Chapter 4

Nov 27, 2017

“Get over it!”

They said.

But it was too big

And I was too small.

“Let it go!”

I was told.

But it followed me.

I tried to go around it

But soon found it was everywhere…

I had no other choice but to go through it.

And to my surprise




It was dark inside,







A warm glow in my heart

And a smile on my face

Grew brighter and brighter…



I can see

More clearly

All the images

That once haunted me

Are nothing

More than



If you liked this piece there’s more to the story…

Be well and may God bless

With love and gratitude,

NZain 🌼

Hello Sunshine!☀️

Thank you both Rupali and Huguette for nominating me for Sunshine Blogger Award on the same day! It’s raining sunshine here 🌈

The blogging community is a super-cool, warm and friendly place: and I am honored by two equally lovely fellow bloggers who both write from their hearts-and their experience. Please visit their respective blogs and see for yourselves, you won’t be sorry. 👍

“In life we have multiple experiences of the good and the bad…..but nothing is as important as what is retained in our heart and mind .. How we have grown in life from dealing with that situation.” –Rupali S. Banerjee

“What goes around comes around” be aware of your actions and how you treat people because eventually everything will be back to you, good or bad. “As you sow, so shall you reap”. I don’t seek followers, just real readers, genuine connection and interaction.” –Huguette Antoun

The Sunshine Blogger Award is peer recognition for bloggers that inspire positivity and joy. Glad some fellow bloggers believe that I’m worth this award 😊😊–Huguette

Ok, first order of business:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you.

2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.

3. Nominate 11 new bloggers to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.

4. List the rules and display sunshine blogger award in your post/ on your blog.

5. Notify nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts

Rupali’s questions:

  1. Which book influenced you the most?
  2. Favorite Quote
  3. What’s next on your bucket list?
  4. What is one interesting thing about you that people don’t know?
  5. If you have one superpower what would you pick and why?
  6. Life lesson learned?
  7. All-time favorite movie?
  8. What is your favorite color?
  9. Your biggest aim or dream?
  10. What really makes you angry?
  11. What are your goals for your blog?

Huguette’s questions:

1. Which blogs you are really reading their contents. (not just liking blindly)

2. Does the person you want the most to read your blog is reading?

3. What’s your nationality?

4. How many languages do you speak and which languages you want to learn?

5. Which book changed your life? Or which incident

6. Describe yourself in 3 words.

7. Which celebrity or politician or else you really want to meet in person

8. Have you ever experienced a near death experience?

9. Have you lied to save a relationship?

10. Do you consider yourself a good person? Why?

11. If you wake up to find all your family and loved ones were vanished. What would you do? (You can be in the Avengers Endgame movie so use your imagination)

My answers:

The book that influenced me/changed my life….oh good Lord! Only one? Ok–eenee-meenee-minee–most recently? George MacDonald The Princess and Curdie

The person I most want to read my blog–proofreads for me before I post. ❤️. I try and read all the blogs that I follow-genuinely and sincerely–but dang that’s a lot of reading!

And as my old eyes are complaining right now–sometimes I need a break from the screen. You know how it can get. I have to take off my ‘reading glasses’ and put on my ‘weeding glasses’–go outside in the garden and get on my knees 🙂

“If only I had a heart.” Tin man. First favorite quote off the top of my head. Oh this is good fun!

I am of Ukrainian extraction. 🇺🇦 Ukie/American by birth. 🇺🇸

My plan is to give this blog a year to grow and blossom. God’s plan is God’s plan…there is a lot of stuff crammed into this brain and having an outlet here to not only process-but also share each other’s stories is super cool! And great therapy too.🙃

I do hope to spread healthy, healing-positive-vibes and joy here…with the love that flows through me..I wish the whole world would visit us here and contribute a bit of love to this project! How super cool would that be? It’s nice to be recognized for inspiring joy 🙏🏻.

So we will see what happens in a year–and then next on the bucket list? Hmm…I’ll have to think more on that…

I speak English and read the dictionary regularly. In high school I studied Spanish and Japanese, a touch of Latin and a smidge of poetry.

Most recently I was learning Ukrainian on-line and writing poems in Ukrainian. I speak Ukrainian like a child–I still remember a few songs Baba taught us kids! Sweet memories. 🥰

Growing up an immigrant’s daughter in Mid-America was tough on the language. But– never too late to learn. I wish I could learn all languages! Trying to learn emoji. 🙂

I’m content with a word here and there–good morning, good evening, had your coffee? That would be enough for me. Whew! That was a long winded answer!

Right now I am having fun with Russian with Ilona and Norwegian with Lillian

One interesting thing that very few people know about me is–in highschool I was a thespian and recieved a gold medal at the Wisconsin State level for poetry reading in 1986.

Resiliant; joyful; loving are three words I would describe myself.

One superpower I would pick–Forgiveness. That’s a superpower, right? Or, invisiblity–that would be cool. Shapeshifting also super cool..

I would like to meet our First Lady Melania Trump. 😊

Does Ayahuasca count as near death experience?

This was fun! Thank you both for your thoughtful questions. Ok, I’m going to finish this off here. I know–didn’t answer them all. I’m terrible-just ask Steve over at 😻

Ok, now for the really fun part.

I am nominating two positively equally awesome bloggers who have brought much joy and sunshine into my life.

Diane was the very first person to connect with me on this journey when I started blogging back in January 2019 and was I completely crazy and wanted to quit; her kind and encouraging words gave me confidence to continue. 😊

There is a place for you at the table in Diane’s kitchen where she daily serves up soul food on her blog:

Rachel is a painter of words. A talented poet. A kind and caring soul. She also brings out the romantic in me and makes me think. I am very grateful for the exchange of ideas with you, my friend. 💜 Read her beautiful works of art here:

My questions:

1. A happy childhood memory…

2. Two strengths you admire in yourself…

3. Three things you are grateful for…

4. One thing you want to change in the world…

5. One thing you wish for the world…

6. What brings you joy…

7. What brings you sadness…

8. Has my blog had an affect on you…

9. What do you hope your readers gain from your blog…

10.What did I forget to ask you…

11.What question would you like to ask me?

Thank you for reading and participating. I hope this was fun for you too!

May God bless us.

With love and gratitude,

NZain 🐥

Just a peek…🦸🏻‍♀️

May 14, 2019

“Hey! You sleepin’? No?”
“…ok, go back to sleep…”
Happy TMI Tuesday from Mr. CAT 😽

Inspired by Mr. A. I’ve already told you most of my secrets…🧚‍♀️

Visit my friend and enjoy a heartfelt giggle. May God bless all the barbarians in gentleman’s clothing! 🙏🏻

Be well,

NZain 🙂