December 11, 2019
This piece I’ve posted before. I hope it’s still relevant today. Maybe even more so.
WLaG,
NZain
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Grandma: “Дівчата плачуть! Хлопці плачуть!”
Me: “Dad? Why is grandma always talking about the ‘girls and boys crying’?
What happened?”
Dad: “It was a long time ago…”
Me: “How could they do this to us? I hate them!” (stamping my little foot down)
Dad: “Hey, don’t you ever hate the people for what happened. It was a few ‘dummies’ in office. It wasn’t the people. Don’t you ever hate the people. We are family. We are blood…”
Message from my soul to my heart.
Until you can forgive me—sincerely and truly reconcile me—
There is
nothing more
I can do
for us.
And you make me and my words a hypocrisy.
You think I have all the answers?
Are you-out-of-your-ever-loving-mind?
Do you honestly think I have a clue
As to “what the HELL” is going on here?
“Life is a joke.” And
I am as clueless as anyone.
But still.
I am
willing to play
the game;
run the experiment.
For the sake of us.
Even if you don’t support me.
Even if you don’t understand…
I’m sorry
I got you
in into
this mess
In the first place.
I had no choice.
It wasn’t mine to make.
Maybe I said too much.
“Just trying to live life like a human.”
But I am not human. Am I?
So I should know better.
What does it mean to be human…
There I go again
Stumbling and bumbling along
Making a fool of myself—
Just for the laughs.
Just for the smiles.
Just to know
there is
ONE
safe-place
in the
WHOLE
Universe
I can be myself—
in all my
Шикарний відвертість.
Is that too much to ask?
I found that place.
It’s right next
to courage
under a book
I once read long ago…
I would take you there; if only you were willing to follow me.
But—
I warn
you now
in advance
Don’t follow
too closely.
Sometimes
I trip and fall….
These words
may never
be read, but
they have
to be written.
Now.
While I still remember them;
While I still can write them:
If
what I say
becomes the death of me—
I will not stray
Oh Lord
from Thee.
I vow today
Tomorrow
And
Everyday—
I
Live
And
Die
Free.
So tell me then,
What are the rules
Of this game?
And what is the goal?
Why bother with any of this in the first place?
And what’s in it for me?
Am I a narcissist?
But
a “true” narcissist
doesn’t ask such
ridiculous questions.
And
only a “non-narcissist”
would be offended
by such a silly question.
So perhaps I am somewhere in-between?
And that brings us back to the first question:
“What the HELL” is going on here?
And “What’s the @#$% point?”
“Life’s a joke…”
And a damned-funny-one at that!
None of this
could have
happened
without you.
You do know that, right?
The
last
time
you
left
the house
“SEE YA!”
leaving a trail of mud behind you—
I was sure.
It would be.
The last time.
I ever saw you again.
And I was frightened like a child…
But I am a woman.
And I know: “Everything happens for a reason.”
So I took a bath.
And when
I returned
to see you
sitting there
in your
favorite chair.
I thought, “All is well.”
But I was wrong…
Inside-
a-fire-raged-
in-your-
cold-stone-heart.
A-half-century’s-worth-of-pain.
Hidden…
The Damned: “Did I do that?”
The Child: “Forgive me.”
The Woman: “I sincerely apologize.”
Where do we go from here—
is anyone’s guess…
So much hatred
To contend with.
How is it—
to hate
is easier
than
to love?
How is it
humans guard
their hearts
with fear
and hatred
against
the unknown?
I can’t hurt you
if I can’t get through
your layers
upon
layers
upon
layers
of armor.
But you are hurting.
Aren’t you.
And it has nothing to do with me…
I’ve been with you
since the beginning. And
I have no intentions of leaving you.
The
Answer
Is
Inside
Your
Cold
Stony
Heart.
Let it burn.
Growing Up... 