Category: Growing Up Compassionate

Love Dissolving Into Love…

December 6, 2020

Continued from War in Heaven

Love dissolving

Into love…

She poisoned you.

You poisoned me.

I let the poison fester

Together; we sucked and spit every last drop out–

Until there was nothing left but

Love dissolving into love…

I don’t disagree: my mother ruined me for any future possibility of entering into a healthy wholesome marriage with the hopes of building a happy loving family. I was no gift. My only hope was second best. Seek one perfectly flawed broken human like me. Like you. And then keep praying…

…and battling. The protective armor we layered upon layer covering our gentleness in what looked like self-confidence eventually showed its true weakness and failed. And I for one feel lighter, stronger, and more resilient than ever before. The battle is over. Neither side won.

There is nothing; only

Love dissolving into love…

Love dissolving…

Love…

To be continued.

–NZain 💓

Thank you for reading.

War in Heaven

December 5, 2020

Continued from Growing Up Compassionate: Beginnings.

Dear God,

You know I’m not so good at praying.

“Our Father which art in heaven”

You seem so far away.

“Hallowed be Thy name”

It’s difficult to live in a world where people fight and kill each other in ‘Your Name’.

“Thy Kingdom come”

Jesus said, “The Kingdom of heaven is within” right?

“Thy will be done on earth…”

Is there still war in Heaven?

It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake staring up at the ceiling…looking for You.

But, You are in heaven and I am here on earth and the separation feels so…sigh. I know You understand. You also lost one dear to Yourself. So bright, so beautiful, but what can be done? Sometimes we have to let go and just hope, right?

You already know I’ve lost someone special. The one You sent to me. I’m afraid I didn’t do a very good job…and it just feels awful inside. Like war in Heaven. It’s hard letting go and it’s even harder to have hope. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

It hurts. I feel so alone staring up at the ceiling. It hurts even more knowing my friend too is hurting and so must also feel alone. What can be done?

If I could take away his pain and heal his broken heart I would in a half a heartbeat! But I can’t. So I keep trusting in Your will. And I keep surrendering–letting go of what is not mine to hold onto.

It still hurts deep inside my own broken heart so that it makes it difficult to think straight.

Will the hurt ever go away? I’m starting to feel sleepy now. Thank you for listening to me. See You in the morning light. Yours truly, me.

See You in the morning light

To be continued…

–NZain💓

Thank you for reading.

Growing Up Compassionate: Beginnings.

December 5, 2020

My Dearly Beloved,

In accepting you,

Exactly as you are—no

More, no less susceptible to suffering

Than me—

I am respectfully and

Dispassionately

Letting you go.

I cannot suffer for you

And

Suffering with you

Is

Causing me more pain

Than I know

What to do with…I don’t know

How to help you anymore.

Your own unwillingness to let go

And accept

What

Is

In

Your own broken heart is breaking mine.

If only you could see in yourself as I see you.

Beautiful. Kind. Strong.

If only you could see in me as I do…your projections are but a dim light

Cast on who I truly am inside; and please understand–

I want to shine!

Inside and out I want to shine with

A warm glow for all to see!

Maybe one day you too will see…and glow.

Until then, I will keep you safely in my prayers right where you belong.

Yours truly,

Me.

To be continued…

–NZain💓

Thank you for reading.