I don’t disagree: my mother ruined me for any future possibility of entering into a healthy wholesome marriage with the hopes of building a happy loving family. I was no gift. My only hope was second best. Seek one perfectly flawed broken human like me. Like you. And then keep praying…
…and battling. The protective armor we layered upon layer covering our gentleness in what looked like self-confidence eventually showed its true weakness and failed. And I for one feel lighter, stronger, and more resilient than ever before. The battle is over. Neither side won.
It’s difficult to live in a world where people fight and kill each other in ‘Your Name’.
“Thy Kingdom come”
Jesus said, “The Kingdom of heaven is within” right?
“Thy will be done on earth…”
Is there still war in Heaven?
It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake staring up at the ceiling…looking for You.
But, You are in heaven and I am here on earth and the separation feels so…sigh. I know You understand. You also lost one dear to Yourself. So bright, so beautiful, but what can be done? Sometimes we have to let go and just hope, right?
You already know I’ve lost someone special. The one You sent to me. I’m afraid I didn’t do a very good job…and it just feels awful inside. Like war in Heaven. It’s hard letting go and it’s even harder to have hope. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?
It hurts. I feel so alone staring up at the ceiling. It hurts even more knowing my friend too is hurting and so must also feel alone. What can be done?
If I could take away his pain and heal his broken heart I would in a half a heartbeat! But I can’t. So I keep trusting in Your will. And I keep surrendering–letting go of what is not mine to hold onto.
It still hurts deep inside my own broken heart so that it makes it difficult to think straight.
Will the hurt ever go away? I’m starting to feel sleepy now. Thank you for listening to me. See You in the morning light. Yours truly, me.