And From Your Ashes I Arise Ch 4

Nov 27, 2017

“Get over it!”

They said.

But it was too big

And I was too small.

“Let it go!”

I was told.

But it followed me.

I tried to go around it

But soon found it was everywhere…

I had no other choice but to go through it.

And to my surprise




It was dark inside,







A warm glow in my heart

And a smile on my face

Grew brighter and brighter…



I can see

More clearly

All the images

That once haunted me

Are nothing

More than



And From Your Ashes I Arise Ch 3

August 20, 2017


I wonder

And I know this may be hard to swallow


I’m curious


And please

you have to understand

Where I am coming from

Hear me out—

Because I don’t want you to misunderstand me.

Or my questions.

My family were immigrants—


First Stalin

Then Hitler.

My father was a hard working man.

He hoped we would assimilate.

My mother was born in a Berlin bomb shelter.

Broken from the start.

They did the best they knew how

With what little they had.

We have so much now.

And so I wonder if the rise in discontent

And escalating violence

From a relatively small minority of anti-capitalists

Who seem to lack true purpose

And feel disenfranchised in a system

That demands self-reliance in order to survive—

The ones who fell through the cracks

Even though they were promised

“No child would be left behind.”

They were promised so much…

Now they have no real leader

And no trust in authority.

They believe in nothing

Except their own imaginations.

And they hate.

Calling it love they hate.

If given half a chance

They would do

The same as their enemy did

And worse.

A pity.

So much potential lost.

And there is

Much work to be done.

When Earth needs us most.

And they still have their youth…

Is this rise in violence

From a relatively small-group

Of self-styled disenfranchised individuals

Who aren’t happy

With their station in life–

And are looking to blame


For their suffering

And perceived lack–

In fact a response to

Civilized societies




Just a question.

Aug 26, 2017

What is it you want?

Because right now all I hear is a whole lot of crying

“We want…”



I get it now.


I too

wanted to change

the world “for the better.”

I was no different

at your age.

Full of fear

and misunderstanding

hope and expectations.

I was so sure of myself.

But what did I know

about anything?

Least of all myself.

So I did things to

change myself

“for the better”.

I’d like to think

I’m succeeding.


I’d like to think

we are all succeeding.

In so many ways.

It may not seem

like much to you now.

But wait…

You will see.

If you look

inside your own heart

And discover the Truth:

The kingdom of heaven is within.

The change you so desperately

want is right here right now!

Generously, graciously, given

not taken by force

or coercion.

It is a gift.

And it is beautiful.


Song For The Other Side

We are living in chaotic times


A nasty ideological

Bloody psychological war.

The battlefield is the mind.

And each time WE

By OUR thoughts words and deeds

Cause more discord–

It is a victory for the enemy.

All across the globe

we see this

brutal attack

on society.

A cancer spreading

throughout humanity.

Disregard for decency.



In GOD we trust BRAVERY.

The oppressive progressive

political ideology


true democracy

but you are too blind to see

the hypocrisy—

or how you are


Blood on your hands in foreign lands…


save the rest

for your



When we are


Equally living in poverty!

Except for a few

too many on top

this has to STOP





Slaves to the

socialist state

no longer free

living in fear

too afraid to see.

Now close

your eyes

and I’ll sing


a song

of a place


no one has more than you

no one will envy you

no one will ever make you cry…

“Yogi®️ Tea wisdom”

And From Your Ashes I Arise Ch 2

By N.Z. Robotewske

“Maysasura?” I asked. “Who is Maysasura?”

Ah, he is small but big” was his reply.

“Oh, like Mighty Mouse?”

“Yogi®️ Tea”

July 11, 2017

She insulted the girl in front of me.

I was shocked–but this time prepared.

“Is this what you meant when you said, ‘She is hard on me….’?

Because now I clearly see.”

I asked for the girl’s help in the kitchen.

“Oh. She burns e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!”

There was an urgency in her voice as if this was important information that I must now know if dinner wasn’t to be ruined by the incompetent little girl.

Dinner, by the way, was excellent.

“I was just joking. This is just who I am you know me better than that….”

Insults aren’t funny.

The girl told me

She loves her mother

And knows she is just trying to do her best.

She wishes they could be closer.


Mother is pushing away Daughter

(The way her own mother did with her)

With the unkind things she says.

And she doesn’t even know it.

I hope she knows it now.

I too wish they could be closer.

August 2, 2017

When she turned,

looked at me

and said–

“What the fuck am I doing…?”

I knew I found

A kindred soul.

Others may lead by example.

You show

others the way–

Because only when you’ve looked

Into darkness–

Can you truly know light.

And you shine…

To be continued…

And From Your Ashes I Arise Ch 1

“I form the light and create darkness: I make peace and create evil…”

Isaiah 45:7

For my mother who pushed me to the edge. My father who said, “Fly!”
And my beloved who helped me open my wings.

Chapter 1 Part 1


They offered her freedom

From the hell of her own making.

Then they gave her knowledge

Of good and evil…

July 16, 2015

Though the path be lonely
Follow your heart.

Though the path be dark
There is light in your heart.

“Look, Dear!” Mother cried. “It says right here that Jesus died for our sins!
Isn’t that wonderful!”
“Mommy? What is a sin?”
“Well a sin is all the bad things you are going to do when you grow up, Dear!”
(But Mommy I’m a good girl. Daddy tells me so.)

If ever there was a kid
who needed therapy——
“Get in the car.” (Slam door shut)
I was that kid.

Elementary school counselor
needed parent’s permission.
I was hopeful.

After about a half-hour of Dad
driving in silence
Mom spoke up.

“Don’t you EVER go to anyone about your problems at home.
Do you understand?
You come talk to ME!”

“Yes, Mother. I understand.”

(No Mommy I don’t understand. I need help but you are yelling at me and it scares me. He is not just anyone—he is the school counselor and he helps families.)

And that
was the first time I learned
to bold-face-look-you-in-the-eye-and-lie.

Thank you Mr. Elementary School Counselor
but I won’t be needing your help now
we’ve got it all worked out now
and we are all just fine now
so I will see you around

Part 2


Where is hell and why does Mommy tell you to go there?
Don’t cry Daddy!
I’ll go to hell with you!

She must have realized
After the fact
That to send her little girl
Into the front yard
To kneel
On the gravel
Wasn’t such a good idea.
What would the neighbors say?


I’m sorry, Mommy!

Sorry isn’t good enough!


She wanted me to experience the pain of separation from Jesus.

I wonder
If She
Cried herself
Onto her own bed
Behind her own closed door.

Did she also feel the pain of separation?

Part 3

April 20, 2017

Do you know how they break a horse’s spirit?
This is what I am going to do to you.

You are like a shiny apple on the outside
But you are rotten to the core.

You can’t dance. Your legs are too short.

You sing flat. No you can’t learn piano.

It’s too difficult for you.

Turn that off! Yoga is of the devil.

What are you crazy? I never said that!
Oh that’s real nice you must be crazy or sick in the head or something I can’t believe you…

Look, dear I got you a present. What you don’t like it? Then give it back!

You’re NOT going because I SAID so!

What book are you reading, Dear? Oh I can’t believe you! How could you read that filth! You must be sick in the head. You get rid of that book right now and you read your Bible!

Forget about college, Jesus is coming back soon.

You are going to grow up to be a whore just like your sister!

Sorry isn’t good enough!

Oh what would Jesus think about you? He would be disappointed in you too.

Forget about science. Science is of the devil!

No man will ever love you.

What are you crazy or something? You must be sick in the head. You need help.
I never said that. You are a liar!

You think it’s so easy out there? You think you are so worldly?

You are going to come crawling back home to ME begging for forgiveness.

You can’t make it on your own without me.

You’re getting married? Well you really pulled the wool over his eyes didn’t you.

Accept Jesus Christ as the lord of your life right now!

…oh that’s real nice blame me for all your troubles. Poor old mother. I’m so terrible. How could you. You’re too sensitive. You must be crazy or sick in the head or something I never said that…

Didn’t you know I used reverse psychology on you?
I wanted you to prove me wrong.
You disappoint me.
Go away from me I don’t ever want to see you again.
I wash my hands of you.


July 28, 2016

Looking back in disgust
I couldn’t trust
But I must
Move forward
A new way of living
I fucked up
Time to grow up
Show up.

Heart full of remorse
I set my course
On the fast track to hell
A road I knew so well.

You and I had karma to burn
Hard lessons to learn
Now you take your turn
Play the victim
The abuser
The accursed
The accuser
It’s all the same to me.

I was feeling dejected
My own mother
Abused me
Psychologically confused me

What are you crazy?
I wanted you to prove me wrong
How else could I teach you to be strong?

I died
Tried to hide
I lied
I cried
My heart

Part 4

July 25, 2015

Fell from grace
Into your arms
Didn’t know love
Could hit so hard.

But I always pull myself
Back together again
Twist the throttle
Find the line
Make the turn
Make amends.

One life’s too short
For this love affair
Let’s ride together
I’ll meet you there
On the back of your bike
Legs wrapped around
Holding on so tight
As we leave the ground…

Aug 23, 2015

I don’t look so good these days
Stress is taking a toll
Haven’t felt so well.
Where is my guardian angel?

I want to leave this place
Behind me
But I don’t know which way to go.

And then I hear my guardian angel quietly whisper

Though the path be painful
Though the path be dark
Always follow the path of your heart…

Sept 3, 2015

My marriage is eroding along with my self-confidence
And I am asking
This is what I came back for?

I wish I could say:

To my loving husband whose strength and support helped see me through this difficult        passage.  Who encouraged me right from the start to always express my authentic nature and      never stop believing in the power of true love...

I cannot.

With scorn and derision he says, “I am sorry your parents didn’t blah blah blah…”

It cuts.

April 21, 2017

Forgive me Mother for I have sinned.
Let not your Son’s death be in vain…

…when Mary looked up into His eyes and saw only love-
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

She must have cried bittersweet tears for us all.
For in that moment she must have understood-
“Where are your accusers?”

That what she was about to lose
The whole world would gain…

On my knees
Hiding in the shadow of the cross
I long to see your light.
So I burn down the cross
And from your ashes
I arise.

Part 5
April 21, 2017


When the little girl realized
She never truly grew up-
But not up-
She knew there was much work to do.
So she gathered up
All her childhood-broken-dreams
And set out to discover
Just how strong was her backbone.

“What happens next?” He asked.

Chapter 2