Author: NZain

Finding my way forward...

Imagine My Surprise. And Disgust…

May 20, 2020

Based on actual recent events.

Can everyone agree grocery shopping is just—different?

This happened last week…

My husband and I made our way to the check out lane. A woman (Dare I say ‘cougar’? Think ‘man-eater’.) beckons to hubby, “Oh it’s ok, you can come closer, I’m not afraid—I take my vitamins…”

WARNING! WARNING!

Imagine my surprise when hubby chuckles and takes a step closer…

Imagine my disgust* as instinct kicks in to move the body into action:

“Strategically position yourself between hubby and predator! Do it now!

And don’t take your eyes off threat!”

And with a final look to my husband as if to say, “Sorry your wife is so dull and gloomy…and sorry there will be hell to pay for laughing–but it was worth it…”

Listen, Jezebel—

I see you

He sees you

We all see you. And

We all hear you too.

And if what I had was in fact Covid-19 trust me—you don’t want to stand so close.

This virus will wipe that smug smile right off your pretty face. So, when your son arrives home from Louisiana (yes yes we all heard) and you, no doubt, lavish him with hugs and kisses…good luck.

As for me and my family—please keep your distance.

(Did I mention I had a terrible tension headache that day?)

So we arrive home and are putting away our groceries when I mention to hubby, “She was rather bright, eh? You thought she was funny–laughing at her remark.”

“Oh, you mean the woman in line at the grocery store?”

(Yes yes the one with the bright neon-pink toes!)

“She was pleasant enough.”

“Really?”

Silence…

Cue Maneater.

“Hmmm…are there really women like that? I guess I just don’t notice.”

Ahh my sweet and sometimes adorably naive husband!

How grateful I am to you these last several months of quarantine together. When I needed comfort—when I couldn’t breathe—you were right there holding me in your loving arms with Eucalyptus steam…

The world is changed. Everything is just—different—for better or for worse remains to be seen but one thing remains certain: “…watch out boys…”**

–NZain💓

*Disgust (Middle French desgouster, from des- dis- + goust taste, from Latin gustus; akin to Latin gustare to taste) is an emotional response of rejection or revulsion to something potentially contagious[1] or something considered offensive, distasteful, or unpleasant. —–Wikipedia

**https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maneater_(Hall_%26_Oates_song)

A Meditation on Sadness😔

May 17, 2020

I had been thinking so I started writing

Which got me talking…

And then it all became so crystal clear in front of me that

I could reach out and touch the thought–but it was just an illusion.

A resplendent sun shines today—but not for me.

Inside, my downcast skies are cloudy.

I am feeling sadness. I am feeling loss.

Pelagic depths of emotion, the

Siren beckons and with an inhale I

Slip

Beneath

The surface.

Exhale.

Dive deep into me and

With the heart of an explorer

Discover the shipwreck of your soul—find the

Treasure that awaits…

Not a day goes by when I don’t think of her.

And to think—I wanted to grow up to be ‘just like her’.

But I am not her.

I lost her many years ago. I still feel the loss today.

Wouldn’t it be so easy to just pick up the phone, call her,

“Hi, Mom! It’s me!” and

Pretend?

Pretend that everything is—what? Fine?

Breathe.

Everything is not fine; everything is the best that it can be.

To this I reconcile my sadness.

To this I surrender all hope of a return to what I once knew…so long ago.

There is no good reason to stir up the past!

The waters are calm now—

And clear.

From the profane muck below,

Rises a sacred lotus flower above,

That today

Opens

Under a resplendent sun!

Inside my inner skies

Passing thought-clouds arise—

And then fade away…

I am feeling.

The loss of a loved one to her addictions—I

Used it take it so personally. And

It was devastating. How could

She do this

To me?

It wasn’t personal. It was her loss.

I know this

Now

After

Many

Years struggling to understand.

Some things remain a great mystery.

Some questions have no good answers—

Neither does sadness.

It simply is.

And it too passes just as the clouds

Revealing

Once again—

The resplendent sun.

–NZain💓

PS. Mom, if you ever have the chance to read this–I forgive you.

Mood SwingđŸ˜„

May 12, 2020

Inspired by conversations…

Sittin’ on a swing–

Me and my bad mood;

She wants to make me blush

So she whispers something lewd

In my ear that

Only I can hear—I shan’t repeat…I’ve hit delete.

She doesn’t mean to be offensive

When she’s feeling oh so pensive

There’s no need to get defensive—you can blame it

On the moon–ahh that crazy Luna!

Everybody knows that you can’t tune-a

Fish yet–you can always make a wish

Upon a star. It’s really not so very far from

Here to eternity; and

That’s

Exactly

Where

You’ll find me–

Sittin’ on a swing

With my melancholic sanguinity.

And

If

You’d like to join me

There’s room for two or more—

All the merrier.

The devil knows there’s

Nothing scarier

Than

When

We

Gather together

In love and laughter

Brave the stormy weather

Live happy ever after

Nothing lasts forever

Especially–

My bad mood.

-NZain 🙂

Real Neat Blog Award🏆

May 3, 2020

Hi! A real neat blogger

Who writes from her heart–

Charlotte

Nominated me–

And that is pretty neat!

So, from one real neat blogger to another, thank you!

And I think you

(especially if you are reading this right now)

Are also pretty neat!

You brighten my day

And inspire me.

I am grateful for our virtual friendship (thanks WP!)

And your kind supportive comments.

I appreciate the effort you make with your blog. So…

Congratulations! I nominate you!

You are a Real Neat Blogger!

Thanks, Dear Kitty!

😊NZain

https://dearkitty1.wordpress.com/2020/04/13/real-neat-blog-award-congratulations-15-nominees-2/

Hope and Pretty Dresses

April 25, 2020

I held Hope, a tiny mustard seed,

But it fell through my fingers onto the ground

And sprouted…

What good are pretty dresses still wrapped in tissue

Or pretty words left unspoken?

We started the war

And now

We don’t know

How

To make peace.

So we say nothing to each other,

Put on our dirty work clothes

And complain to ourselves

Instead

Of

Doing the thing

We know

Is right while

Waiting for the other person

In the room to show up

Wearing the pretty dress.

Maybe sometimes

The best thing to do

Is

Nothing.

Maybe, the only thing we can do is nothing– except

Let time pass and heal what wounds still remain.

Is there someone

Who has the answer?

Anyone?

All was silence

In the dark and

The mustard seed grew

And grew…

But it still wasn’t enough for the voracious appetite

Of the swarm

When they came unnoticed

And left us wondering

Now what?

How many times can we build it

Before they knock it down

Again.

And where did all my pretty words go…

I look to you for hope–

At least a smile—

However,

You are also looking

To me.

–NZain

This piece is about depression. Something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. But, it’s also about hope…and letting go.