The Story of Understanding and Friendship.

September 28, 2021

As I listened to a meditation by Dr. Kristin Neff on Tender Self-compassion, I thought of the importance of understanding and friendship.

“…now imagine a dear friend in a similar situation. What would you say to this friend? Try saying these same words to yourself…”

Is it easier to be kind to another or to ourselves? And if I am so hard on myself, will I also be so hard on you? The thought of intentionally hurting you makes me cringe…and yet I don’t think twice when I hurt myself? (After all, I was told that I deserve to be punished, right?)

“You had better not hurt me.” He once said to me many years ago. At that time, I didn’t understand the implications of his words, because he also said, “I think I am falling in love with you.”

He wouldn’t hurt me. Right? And so I learned the hard way…

I don’t feel safe with you because you are never going to hurt me. (I expect you will unintentionally hurt me–no one is perfect) I feel safe with you knowing that when you do hurt me, you can accept it with ease…and so can I.

This is a new story.

Not the story with the fairytale ending; the one that begins and ends with loving kindness, compassion, joy and acceptance. The story of understanding and friendship.

Just some thoughts for today…

With love and gratitude.

NZain💓

Author: NZain

@ukiezhinka

16 thoughts on “The Story of Understanding and Friendship.”

  1. Yes,we hurt only those whom we love otherwise who bothers an unknown person spoiling his/her invaluable future because of his /her evil practices?If you love a person you ought to be strict also so that he/she is fit and fine in every aspects.Really very thought provoking post .Thank you very much for Sharing .Take care.😊🙏

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  3. A lot of food for thought here. Relationships carry risk. Being vulnerable carries risk.
    In this moment, we can say that we are trustworthy and it is safe for me to trust you … but we never know what the future holds.
    New information, exceptional circumstances (circumstances that reveal aspects of our character we had even hidden from ourselves) … all of these can cause us to hurt people in ways we never expected or predicted.

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    1. Yes. The future is uncertain and does carry risk—especially when we involve others. Things change. People change. Chances are good that there will be a rupture—how do we come back from that? How do we repair the rupture? How do we move on and learn—so as not to keep committing the same hurt! This is what I am really interested in exploring with friendship. How do we grow in trust?

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      2. Good morning! Pondering this question of risk and trust—I’m listening to Esther Perel—https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnLnu3em0PU

        I totally agree—we each need to think through for ourselves…
        I love this quote Esther makes from Eli Finkle:

        “Are you more willing to let yourself be highly vulnerable in pursuit of deep intimacy? Or, are you more willing to sacrifice some level of intimacy to avoid being highly vulnerable?”

        This is such a personal question. And there is no right or wrong answer. 💚

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    1. Thank you for the blessings, Mr. B. Can I be totally honest with you? For so many years I censored my words—so as not to ‘upset’ others—that even now I still catch myself holding back for no good reason…or saying too much. This is my journey.

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