A Side of Me.

February 24, 2021

Yesterday, I had an epiphany. I saw a side of me I didn’t care to see.

And what the thing showed me…I wonder now:

Is it easy to love a woman with addictions; or one who is self-deprecating? And…

…of the two—is there hope?

But,

How to begin again? Where to begin? How does one be themself if one does not know themself? How does one become something other than what one is?

How does a caterpillar become a butterfly?

Only the caterpillars know…

…and God.

So,

I looked again at the behavior and how the pattern was formed…released the stress from my body the best way I knew how…and learned a little something new about my self.

Today is a different day. Today I saw a side of me I like. Today, I am more myself.

The strange thing about childhood emotional abuse is that even long after the abuser is gone, the abusive behavior may still manifest itself as self-abuse. This is dumb. This is no way to live. Ever. Stop it. Now.

Transforming self-abusive behavior into self-caring behavior is a process. Yep. Just like the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. God knows.

–NZain 😊

Thank you for reading. Hope your day is pleasant.

Author: NZain

Finding my way forward...

17 thoughts on “A Side of Me.”

  1. You need this….it says everything I want to say to you right now.
    Get out of your own way.
    If you learn to love yourself you have the security of knowing you will always be loved even when faith may seem to tremble.
    Let your light shine.

    ~FriendFist

    Liked by 1 person

    1. FF—aka FriendFist..I am deeply humbled by the responses to this post. The kindness and wisdom of fellow bloggers—what can I say? You’ve already said it!

      Thank you for being here and sharing your thoughts. This really is key—learning to love ourselves; not depending on love from external sources. Everything changes…how we perceive the world…even through the darkest times. 🤩

      Shine on!!
      💓N

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Nina🙏🏻🤍🌻 I think if people were truly honest with themselves they too would see characteristics they don’t like. I just posted a blog about a few of my less attributes of mine. As a person who has experienced abuse too, sometimes the slightest little thing can tigger an emotion, it’s not on purpose or for punishment (my words), but by the experience I gain knowledge. Knowledge about myself and the trauma, this helps to better prepare me of future possible breakthroughs of emotions. Emotions are neither good or bad, it’s our actions and responses. Sending hugs and love your way! 🌻🌾🌼🤍🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Charlotte, thank you as always for your insights. 🙏🏻 I’ve been thinking about your words the last couple of days…especially as I’ve been out in town. What you say, I totally agree with and can relate to. I think we (humans—all of us) all share this in common—the less desirable attributes. And if we really are honest with ourselves—we may even take some comfort in that.

      I’ve heard it said, “saints are sinners who never give up.” I like that. Never give up. I won’t settle for, “well this is just who I am.” This is room for growth, self-discovery, and more love. Yes, it takes humility and courage to look inside and change behaviors…to throw off the chains! But what freedom!

      So awesome we are on this healing path together. Keep shining! Love and hugs received and sent to you, Charlotte! 😘💞🤗

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Mr. B—I so appreciate your kind feedback. Thank you for taking the time to respond. My hope is others who may be struggling see they aren’t alone—and there is a way forward. I am deeply humbled by the kindness and support of this blogging community. 🙏🏻

      Like

  3. As you have said Nina: Today is the first day of your life. It always is!!

    Forgive them my Lord, they know not what they do (The abusers)

    Who really knows- maybe it is God’s way of making us the beautiful butterflies 🦋 💖🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ashok and thank you for the kind thoughts. Yes, God’s ways are certainly mysterious! Who can question? You mentioned a “Vedic concept” of God. This is something I would like to better understand. 😊💓🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My own self-healing journey only really started about 3 years ago now. I thought I was “over it all” but I had only managed to block out memories and feelings and became numb to everything. A few years ago is when I finally realized that I grew up dealing with things that were not normal, yes they happen too often, but that does not mean that we should normalize abuse of any kind. It was then that I began to allow myself to feel the feels and accept emotion as a gift and not a punishment for all the things I did wrong. I began to see so much of the self-abuse that had turned into. Like not allowing myself to truly be happy because there really is no way to be really happy. Self-care has helped me move forward and I really LOVE being able to FEEL, whatever the feeling might be. It’s truly a blessing.

    Have a beautiful week my friend! Enjoy all the magic that surrounds you inside and out!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Angie, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know it helps not only ourselves to speak up—but also others too. This is how we make change. I totally agree with you—loving feeling. I don’t ever want to hide or mask unpleasant feelings. I want to feel—fully human. All of it.

      On another note—our resident raven just flew low past my window and looked in as I write. Another awesome bird!

      You also have a beautiful magical week too, my friend. And thank you—I will enjoy. (a beautiful thought!) 😊💓

      Liked by 1 person

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