War in Heaven

December 5, 2020

Continued from Growing Up Compassionate: Beginnings.

Dear God,

You know I’m not so good at praying.

“Our Father which art in heaven”

You seem so far away.

“Hallowed be Thy name”

It’s difficult to live in a world where people fight and kill each other in ‘Your Name’.

“Thy Kingdom come”

Jesus said, “The Kingdom of heaven is within” right?

“Thy will be done on earth…”

Is there still war in Heaven?

It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake staring up at the ceiling…looking for You.

But, You are in heaven and I am here on earth and the separation feels so…sigh. I know You understand. You also lost one dear to Yourself. So bright, so beautiful, but what can be done? Sometimes we have to let go and just hope, right?

You already know I’ve lost someone special. The one You sent to me. I’m afraid I didn’t do a very good job…and it just feels awful inside. Like war in Heaven. It’s hard letting go and it’s even harder to have hope. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

It hurts. I feel so alone staring up at the ceiling. It hurts even more knowing my friend too is hurting and so must also feel alone. What can be done?

If I could take away his pain and heal his broken heart I would in a half a heartbeat! But I can’t. So I keep trusting in Your will. And I keep surrendering–letting go of what is not mine to hold onto.

It still hurts deep inside my own broken heart so that it makes it difficult to think straight.

Will the hurt ever go away? I’m starting to feel sleepy now. Thank you for listening to me. See You in the morning light. Yours truly, me.

See You in the morning light

To be continued…

–NZain💓

Thank you for reading.

Author: NZain

@ukiezhinka

11 thoughts on “War in Heaven”

  1. There is prayer…Oh, sweet sweet prayer.

    I get so lost is my monkey puzzle momkey brain; so limited in ability except…there is this awareness of more. It is so illusive…exasperating and terrifying, too.

    There is the awareness of more than my monkey brain ability; so limited in what is beyond the constant puzzling over one thing at a time (its limit) but yet, awareness of more.

    That more is God. Our awareness of more defines how big God is to us (individually and collectively).

    When we sorrow, God is in that and everything else, and it is what it is…and faith (if you ascribe to the notion of faith as I do) assures its all ok…

    The good, the bad and the ugly.

    That’s what Jesus taught.

    My favorite spiritual teacher recently reminded me of something: “But for the grace of God go I.”

    In our pain, we are breathing in…a deep deep breath before we go down into our depth and hold our breath.

    How deep will you go, and what do you have stamina and tolerance for? Have you built up some endurance?

    Regardless…you will be compelled to come up eventually….and you will exhale on the way up; all that toxic CO2 bubbling up around your head. It is such a relief!

    You will break the surface…you will see the light…and a brand new breath full of possibilities will be drawn in.

    And there is the grace. The deep breath that can come before the tears and the sorrow…and then the joy and beauty and strength.

    I wonder about heaven here on Earth and we, beings made in God’s image?

    How DOES that work…really?

    You are Loved.

    Your grace is showing by the way! Such beautiful grace.

    Be well.

    Amen

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. “But for the grace of God go I.”
      For I don’t want to be left behind.
      So I let resistance fall away and
      Where God leads
      Go I…

      I wonder too, about heaven on earth—we being made in God’s image—so complicated! And so simple. A simply complicated paradoxically awesome wonderment heaven unfolding on earth! But first—the fire that purifies…

      If I wait for heaven in the afterlife without first seeking heaven here on earth—do I miss the whole point of life? I once had the opportunity to learn the harp.

      This gorgeous stunning woman from church was willing to come to our house (I can still remember her beautiful fingers as she played her harp in our living room) and give me lessons! I was five years old and thrilled beyond belief! My mother (I’m sure she had her own reasons; notwithstanding jealousy and finances) says very matter of factly, “you will have aaaallll of eternity to learn to play the harp in heaven.” And that was that. I still love the harp. Loreena McKennitt is a favorite performer.

      I so enjoy your visual thoughts. And I am glad and grateful you are willing to share them here.

      “your grace is showing…” makes me giggle and blush. 😊

      Thank you.

      Likewise.

      Always.

      Like

      Reply

      3. Just depends on the sun, or at least if the fog lifts it should still look okay. But better with the sun. I should try for a walk to the river, should be really nice down there.😃🖐😸

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.