I’m Stuck and Need Help! Please.🙏🏻

December 1, 2020

Dear Friends,

A very Merry December to you all! I hope this finds you well and in good spirits.

I’m stuck-in-muck writing the next chapter and need a bit of help making sense of the word COMPASSION and what it means to be COMPASSIONATE.

Can you please help me by sparing a moment to comment?

What is the meaning of COMPASSION?

How does one cultivate a COMPASSIONATE attitude towards suffering?

Is it better to be compassionate towards oneself or others?

As writers and thinkers–fellow members of humanity–I sure appreciate your kind thoughts and insights.

May your generosity be blessed.

With love and gratitude,

Thank You,

NZain🙏🏻

Author: NZain

@ukiezhinka

34 thoughts on “I’m Stuck and Need Help! Please.🙏🏻”

  1. Great question! Compassion is caring for someone or something that affects the spirit of ones soul. Compassion is not caring less for oneself, it’s caring because it’s is life giving. It is an overwhelming sensation that enables one to see people and things as they are not what we think they should be. 🧐🤔

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “… overwhelming sensation that enables one to see people and things as they are not what we think they should be. 🧐🤔
      “…affects the spirit of one’s soul.” These are really interesting thoughts I haven’t heard before—but make sense to me. Hmmmm….I’m going to ponder on this some more today. Thank you, Charlotte so much for your valuable insights! See you in Narnia! 😊💓

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Compassion: hmmm…(musing).

    Think of every human virtue. Sit with and bear the consequence for any and all of them – their price…their sacrifice…their burden. Sit with and bear these; fake it ‘til you make it and/or by hook or crook. Grin and bear these until you break down and can hardly bear it…until you can again…

    …and then one day you wake up (and for me it seemed like it suddenly came in one day after years and years and years of toiling with the virtues) and find that human virtues are really in you and became for real…and you find you are, in deed, courageous (because consequence for being good can be terrifying)….as demonstrated (looking back to the past then Reviewing every scar and near miss written in/on your own life before you)

    …and compassion is being a good human being and is daring to bear witness AND ENCOURAGE any other willing to dare to go through this same process…all through the very audacious misery that it takes to become a human being by stepping away from and above the mean-little greedy human monkey we are at our worst.

    Compassion…is not “nice,” (and of course it may be) but it is brave, courageous, honest, caring, daring, willing, truthful, humble and strives for humility; it is successful because it knows failure and has pity for the misery of failure in others…and it is wise for all that judgement burns away any affinity to censure and hate and mislead because our judgments maim…while compassion seeks wholeness and leaves God as the only Judge.

    And there is more. I bet any could fill in all that is missed here.

    Jesus had compassion down pretty good.

    Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was interesting to me when reading the origin of the word compassion from the Latin passiō—to “suffer” and com—“with”

      From Middle English passion—“the Christ’s suffering on the cross.” Yes, Jesus indeed had compassion down. Jesus bore the cross alone, right? No one could suffer “for” him…but they suffered “with” him. I was told as a child, “Jesus suffered and died for ‘my’ sins.” And I asked, “what’s a sin?” All the bad things I would do when I grew up! Lol…well at least His death wasn’t in vain!

      “Sit with and bear…until you can hardly bear it…” the awesome horrific cosmic theatre (and I really like this) “…the very audacious misery…” when the girl is weeping/washing the feet of her Lord and then drying these same feet with her hair…and then pours out a costly oil—anointing her Lord—before His death. And her ‘mean-little greedy human monkey’ accusers get so angry because “what a waste!” they say—“that money could have been spent on the poor and the homeless!”

      I am right now in these very moments learning what it means to be compassionate towards myself. Seems like a practical place to start. How can I truly love you, my neighbor, if I can’t honestly love myself? Is my suffering any greater or any more special than yours? Perhaps ‘unique’ to me—but no more special than your own suffering.

      So why have I been so dang hard on myself that I can’t say a few kind words to me? Years of training by a master of self-criticism…oh how she must have suffered— born in a bomb shelter into world recently torn apart up by mean-little monkeys…

      And so here we are. You and Me. A new day with another chance to learn from all those failures and near misses of the past, mine, yours and all our ancestors…and to bear witness again. Thank you, kind soul for the encouragement to keep going through the process. It’s comforting to know you are out there in the world and you are here looking out for me. Always your words are appreciated.

      With love and gratitude,
      Nina 😊

      https://www.dictionary.com/browse/compassion

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      1. So, I’m reading your response. Between all the lines between you and I are, likely, just as many shared “Ah hah” moments.

        Here is one more “Ah hah” I will gladly share with you because I love your spirit and the life it drives around in a mean lil’ monkey that I hope is not as mean as mine (bad monkey! Dont you dare throw shit at the people looking in on you! Put it down! Good boy! Here’s a nut…wash your hands!)

        EMPATHY is the linchpin that keeps compassion real. Without EMPATHY, M’dear…the wheels on the bus (that carries us along) go flat. Those wheels do not go ‘round and ‘round. Without EMPATHY, we all get stalled in a very “NICE” predicament.

        It’s a very NICE fix we get stuck in.

        All that being hard on yourself is your EMPATHY drive that generates…some moving spirit…some animating power that drives you along in the KNOWING what it is that you see…the good, the bad, and the ugly…

        And you are less prone to harm or maim any other because you already know…a thousand times (not more than another) what it all is…know it deeply…thoroughly. You act by that. And compassion is the acting by that despite the mean-ass little sass-mouth chattering screaming monkey riding along on our backs.

        Is compassion worth it?

        Ummmmmm…in the joy, yes…in the pain, no!

        And…but, compassion is all this PLUS (count the number of living souls in and out of a mean-little monkey who have all and are all growing human animals into humans beings.)

        Let us begin and end our days with compassion…self compassion so that we know what to do for others (and then do for others as we do for ourselves).

        Empathy.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That you bring up NICE…”compassion isn’t nice” yet another word whose origin is surprising! And I was just having this conversation with my husband last week—the difference between “nice” and “kind”…and that’s a whole nother topic of fun discussion!

        EMPATHY—to feel one’s suffering as your own. Understanding. So much is written online about empathy. In the abused child, (I’ll speak for myself) empathy gets activated (perhaps too young to understand) as a necessary survival skill. And I agree with you, without empathy—without activating our innate ability to feel another’s pain as if our own (walk a mile in my shoes)—there’s no real motivation to act on compassion—or it’s only superficial lip service at best.

        To this I would add that empathy without discernment is the sharp nail on the road that bus drives over—and gets a flat tire. To discern in oneself what is ‘me’ and what is ‘everyone else’—to learn to wield that double edged sword of empathy/discernment so as not to be…seduced or overwhelmed—keep the bus in it’s own lane so to speak.

        If EMPATHY is the linchpin then perhaps DISCERNMENT is the wheel? With a bus full of lil’ monkeys jumping about and the Driver (a former child monkey), “Put it down…” experiences will determine how the driver reacts, right?

        Understanding what it’s like to be a mean ‘lil’ monkey, while still keeping control of the bus—for everyone’s’ safety! But no one likes to be shit or ‘should’ on. Show me. By the way you live your life—and the way you speak to yourself and others. The way you drive your bus. And does all this reflect who you truly are on the inside? Is there a scared lil’ monkey hiding in the corner, too afraid to accept the nut—fool me once shame on you…

        I recently did this self-compassion practice—visualizing my ( I like this language) inner lil’ monkey. I went to her room to find her huddled on her bed, arms wrapped around her knees to her chest. I asked if I could come in and we could talk. “The talk” I had always hoped for growing up. It was hard! For both of us. But worth it. Feeling her suffering—how my self-criticism hurt her deeply—acknowledging my responsibility to her as her caregiver, accepting what was done (and finished!) Letting go of ‘it’ making room for play! Speaking to her kindly (it is a practice) until she on her own could come out of her shell and hug me—her monkey momma.

        There is another side of compassion that I think is equally valuable and valid. Something I’ve learned through experience and through yoga texts: INDIFFERENCE. The windshield wipers. We can’t control the weather—sometimes it rains. Sideways.

        Thank you, M’dear always for the inspiring and fun conversation. Humor is medicine. Please share all the “Ah hahs” you like.. And yes—cheers to beginning and ending the day with self-compassion! As we live so may we love. And laugh.
        🙈🙉🙊

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  3. Thank you for this exercise. It was and is a very valuable lesson about revealing the heart and the matter of it; compassion’s seat and substance.

    Is compassion a dynamic…or is it a dynamo?

    In revealing yours, I discover mine.

    And that is how it works.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are most welcome. Thank you from my lil’ monkey. 🙈

      Hmmm….a compassion generator…what a wonderfully interesting dynamic thought…light up the whole world with a warm glow. Hmmmm…..in revealing mine—yours shines. And so on…

      This could write itself a fun little children’s story.
      “Whatcha building, Grandpa?”
      “…”

      Merry Christmas to you and yours! 🙏🏻💓😊

      Like

    1. Thank you, Ma. Glad to see you! I wonder, seems to me that when one has difficulty living in one’s own skin—the idea of trying to live in another’s—is it even possible? Perhaps beginning with compassion for one’s own suffering may help to truly open us to the suffering of others? As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts! 💓😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe I should have clarified…I am very comfortable in my own skin thus did not write about compassion towards self! You are so right, if one is not comfortable in one’s own skin, how can he/she try to live in another’s!
        Always a pleasure, Nina. 😊❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This was such a thought provoking post Nina! And so many beautifully written replies! I believe that one can not be truly compassionate to others without being compassionate to oneself (which is a lot harder). I also believe that without learning compassion for others one can not possibly know true compassion for oneself. A continuous work in progress I think…

    Have a beautiful day Nina!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Angie thank you for your beautiful reply! I’m so glad you enjoyed the responses!

      It seems really circular doesn’t it? “loving thy neighbor as thyself.” Which comes first the chicken or the egg? Do we start with the hard stuff first? And why are we so hard on ourselves? 🙃

      And yes, I too think it is a continuous work—the balance between learning compassion for ourselves and others is ongoing simultaneously.

      For me personally, discovering within myself compassion first—really getting a healthy grounding practice to sustain me—like when on the airplane they tell you “put your own oxygen mask on first…” is where my focus lies…and it is naturally evolving to my husband and those close to me…and so on. Start small with something I can handle—and I am a handful.

      This is keeping in mind I am a part of this shared humanity—with all of its suffering—without getting bogged down in the suffering. A process. Hard work. Totally worth the effort. And if I do my small part and each does theirs (which is of course out of my control) we lighten the load.

      You also have a beautiful day too, Angie! 💓

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Compassion is either a gift or a curse! Most humans feel compassion in others sadness or suffering yet it is short. There are a select few humans who are gifted and not only feel another’s suffering, they feel their soul, the internal crying, that can’t be spoken, it is as if they become one with the soul of the sufferer, feeling all that they feel. Compassion is feeling not judging, a sensing of how to help heal. The one who steps in and feels the others pain and suffering is usually the one trying to help , lift up or encourage, true compassion is when more than one feels, suffers with you when they didn’t have too. Compassion is an act of healing!

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    1. “true compassion is when more than one feels, suffers with you when they didn’t have too. Compassion is an act of healing!”

      Thank you so much for this beautiful response! “…when they didn’t have to…”. That really sums it up. They didn’t have to step out of their comfortable life…but they did. They freely suffered with…sacrificing their own self (even if for just a short time) for the sake of the one suffering.

      “Compassion is an act of healing!” I just this morning read something:
      “…If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it” 1 Corinthians 12:26
      Is this along those same lines?

      I appreciate your thoughts and generously sharing them here!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Me too.

        Prayer is compassion in action, right? If we pray for one another—we feel ‘with’ each other’s suffering. I think sometimes it’s helpful knowing we aren’t alone in our suffering…💓.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Liked & Shared. I know you ask for a few thoughts on this topic, which is interesting. I decided to drive some help to you through Sharing! Let’s see if this will work!

    _

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes. If only one feels compassion and other does not—well, what do you do with that? Sometimes all you can do is walk away…and detach. No use getting dragged down.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. This is an interesting perspective I hadn’t thought of before. So true…the more I think about it.

        I may have all good intentions and be ‘passionate’ to help another let’s say to quit an addiction that is causing us both suffering.

        They may even ask me for help…but deep inside, they don’t really share the same passion—they don’t truly care to change their destructive behavior.

        Maybe they don’t actually feel self-compassion about the harm they are causing to themselves.

        Maybe they don’t actually feel compassion for me—how their addictive behavior is affecting my own well being. What they really want is for me to feel pity (disguised as empathy/love/compassion) for them to enable their addiction. I become their slave. And I think I’m acting from love.

        This is a terrible place to be…for us both.

        At least one of us can stop suffering, right?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you for stirring up my thoughts. Now, how to let go gracefully without creating more internal suffering? How to become dis-passionate towards someone you love…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I wish i had an answer. Love is a powerful bond. It’s very difficult to become dis-passionate towards someone you love.

        Maybe to keep a distance is not a bad idea. For many reasons.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I think I’m a lil late but here’s my take
    Compassion is empathy. It’s putting someone else’s shoes and realizing how dirty or tight they are. It’s loving people through their mistakes. Its loving all of X of people and not just parts of them.

    For 2nd question:
    You are suffering. When you see others suffer, you’re gentler to them. You’re more forgiving, more understanding. Reflect this behaviour on yourself.

    For the 3rd question:
    It’s not about it being better or worse. Selfishly-or more like in order to be able to live-Ill choose myself.

    Liked by 1 person

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