Alone In A Crowd.

October 27, 2020

Continued from Unpacking My Self

Just outside my window

Layer upon layer unpacking body, mind and soul.

What lies hidden?

What truth remains–

To be seen?

And heard…

Alone in a crowd

All seemed

“Perfectly normal” except

To the one who

(Hiding behind false pretenses)

Locked behind the weight of her own hollow eyes—she felt

The weight—what could she do?

Perfectly normal

Insisted she remain quiet for the sake of those

Around her

Who

Would rather not know

The awful truth. And

Anyway,

What could they do? (Better not burden those already

burdened with troubles of their own.)

Unnoticed by most, she waited

Until the day her wings

(Ready or not)

Would carry her to a place where

She, alone, could finally

Exhale.

A place where lies are separated and discarded—truth

Neatly folded and placed on the top shelf; a place called Home.

And now reflecting back on the years

With grace-filled eyes,

Accepting the losses of shattered dreams,

Picking up broken pieces, discarding them too–I am

Clearing space for new ideas to emerge; my wings neatly

Folded and placed on the top shelf—I am home.

Home.

A place inside of quiet refuge and rejuvenation

Surrounded by things that matter most.

Things soothing to the senses and

Necessary for nourishment of

Body, mind and soul.

A place where routine becomes ritual and

Each day is a blessing from God…where angels are invited to play

And seek shelter in the storm.

Home

Is

A

Place. Tangible. Real.

Built on a solid foundation to last a lifetime.

Life takes time to build and time is precious: everyone knows this.

Do they? Then why in the world would they want to destroy—?

There is no answer.

No reasonable answer.

Self-abuse is still abusive.

I am concerned with angels. I cannot change the world.

I can clean my own home and make this place a place of beauty and order.

A place where even gods find refuge.

I have work to do…

–NZain💓

Thank you for reading.

Author: NZain

@ukiezhinka

29 thoughts on “Alone In A Crowd.”

  2. I love your picture and definition of home Nina! The whole post is great, wonderfully said. My own home, my apartment, is undergoing some change, a little sooner and more drastic than anticipated. But must be done. Whether in ourselves or the place we live sometimes those changes are necessary to make something even better. You’re doing great with this Nina!😃🖐😻

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    1. Not just one coyote, but four! Passed right outside my window—and in the daylight. I’m glad you got the idea, Steve—home is in ourselves. The place we live is a reflection of what is inside us, right? And yes, sometimes change IS necessary to make something even better. May be difficult—but worth the effort.

      Your place is undergoing some change? Drastic? What are you up to???🤔🖐😺

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      1. Wow, that’s cool! I hear them sometimes but haven’t seen any for a long time, and never right here, though I had a wolf on the deck a couple of times.
        Yes, indeed, it is in ourselves, most important.
        My health is necessitating change in the apartment. I have been planning this for awhile, but have to move along a little faster now. Need to see my doctor again I think.
        Time for bed again, days go too fast! Have a good night Nina!😀🖐😺

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you picked up on that, Angie. It is good to remind ourselves to be gentle and kind to our selves—develop new healthy habits. It’s tough…but also necessary.
      What is one thing you’ve learned to do for yourself?

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      1. I have learned to catch the negative self-talk and turn it positive. Of course I’ll never catch them all but this is a game changer when it comes to being kind to ourselves!
        What about you? What’s something you’ve learned?

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      2. The same. Stopping the negative thought process and turning it around into positive thoughts. Easier said than done right? It’s a daily practice like lifting weights or playing the piano—anything you do over time gets…better.

        It seems like the mind does a lot of talking—chattering—to get our attention. Do you ever consciously talk to your subconscious mind? This is something I just recently learned to do in a way I hadn’t thought of before. As you say—a game changer.

        Angie, I always appreciate the dialogue! Thank you so much for the time here together. 😊🙏🏻💓 take care of your Self.

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  6. Your writing always pauses me in thoughtful ways. There is a grace in the way you write of pain. I think when you clean and order and beautify your own home… the angels are near…and you are changing the world. 🌷💖🌸

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  7. Perfection: Never ever try to define it or else the object gets lost in translation.

    The soul is the only body able to transverse the mind; and has no words.

    Why?

    It is perfect of course. It looks outside through its window. Mine looks on, too.

    Coyotes are tricksters. Did you know that?

    I saw one just the other day while out on a hike. The morning before that, a stranger warned me about spotting two roaming about and to “Be careful.”

    I’ve never seen one here in eight years. No one has ever “warned” me about them.

    Two days ago, I saw one (???!!!).

    Today, I see another.

    It’s perfect! But I don’t have the words…

    I love your work.

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  8. “Each day is a blessing from God…where angels are invited to play
    And seek shelter in the storm.
    Home.” I 💜this, Nina!

    What a place of bliss. The heart is the place of home. That’s where we start. Looking within.
    There was ONE who DID notice and see her heart. He always counts our tears and puts them in a bottle. He counts them as worship.
    That silence has a way of speaking into our situations, and always friends are near to share with. 🙂
    Much love to you my friend! 💜😇🧚‍♀️🧶 👁👀n👂🏼 🙏🏼🤗

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    1. Renee, reading your comment just made my morning. Thank you, sweet friend. 🙏🏻🤗💓
      The home within…the heart—as we think in our hearts, right? So the heart can get “cluttered” too and cover up the real gems. Begin looking within…the Kingdom of God. The heart. 💜

      “He always counts our tears and puts them in a bottle. He counts them as worship”. This is so beautiful, Renee. And when the bottle is full up? Those tears wash us clean…baptized in our own tears? 😅💦🌦🌈💓
      I love you sweet friend and send you long distance hugs! Thank you always for being near and dear…and for getting me to think. 🤔🙃🤗

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  9. Beautiful dear<3 I'm working on that too, just fixing up little by little. Baby steps… Greatest change starts from within. I'm sorry you have been betrayed, but I am so pleased you are acknowledging what happened, and validating your feelings, and being your own hero when the world around you failed you. You are an angel! Lovely to have met you and read your words… I'm sure you shine light on so many. By speaking up you give courage to others to stop the cycle of abuse and heal <3. We can't heal if we don't admit the problem, an we can't honour ourselves if we let other dishonour or gaslight our truth! you are so lovely ❤ Thanks for your writing

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