Dear Friend. I have no defense against mean people…

September 30, 2020

Dear Friend, I thought of you today (as I often do) while washing dishes and trying to work out a problem in my head. And as I often do, I spoke to you.

“…I have no defense against mean people and I don’t know how to deal with it. It is a problem I have you see, and I can’t figure out what to do. Kindness doesn’t work. Mean people look at kindness as weakness and…”

Later in the afternoon I picked up a book and opened it to where a bookmark held a place–I had long since forgotten.

Rose gardens in Portland, Or

“To see the universal and all pervading Spirit of Truth face to face one must be able to love the meanest of creation as oneself.” — Gandhi

Ouch.

💓NZain

How do you deal with mean people? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Author: NZain

Finding my way forward...

24 thoughts on “Dear Friend. I have no defense against mean people…”

  1. I love those God-inspired moments-even when they’re an ouch moment.

    Handling mean people…🤔….
    It takes a lot of self-control to not treat them the way they are treating you. We have to make up our minds to be the better person of the two. And it depends on what is being done to me. If someone is verbally attacking, I find it so much better to not engage. Let them rant if that’s what they choose to do. Most mean people want you to say something back so they can rip your words to shreds, but wisdom stays silent, quiet. Let them think you are weak, but in reality-you are so much stronger! In humility lies great strength. Hope this helps or makes sense…
    Hey email me sometimes, my friend! Miss ya! 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am sorta glad you chose the word “Mean.” Have you ever looked up the word’s definition? OMG! The word itself is a journey of…”meaning.”

    Mean people…how to deal with “Mean” people. (?) “Mean” as a homonym

    “Mean people are cruel because they are petty and base (mean = petty and base).”

    “The average person has a number of virtues as their mean. (Mean = average or baseline).”

    When some one says “Mean People,” what comes to my mind is literally “the average person has a base nature. What’s in one is in all.” Meanness is human…particular to us with conscience and consciousness.

    I can not say I love my own base nature. I see in myself every primer
    for good and bad, and both have been ignited in me. I love people, and I have a tempter. I care deeply, but I’m quick to defend with “I don’t give a shit (care).”

    I think the best people always strive within themselves to answer the question you posed. I’ve just expressed as far as I’ve come to answering it for myself. I’ve asked this same question through the decades…this is as far as I’ve gotten. I don’t feel it is a true answer.

    Do you know what I mean?

    I believe that further inquiry is needed, and I believe my next direction will be to explore the role of true and honest empathy…and its role in forgiveness. Ironically, I seek meaning for such things. It is my passion. There are so many that have gone much further, and so I feel I am the meanest of my ilk.

    Much love to you in this shared human challenge.

    I mean that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Much love in return ICU! Thank you for this wonderful response I’ve read it over and over. I know what you mean—I’m still seeking meaning.

      It’s good to be human sharing these challenges together. May I reprint this comment and share it with my readers in a post?

      Like

  3. Depends. If I will never see the person again I may note firmly they are being rude, or simply ignore it. Punishment enough for them being trapped in their own minds.

    If it’s repeat I generally set firm boundaries, and let them know how I perceive the situation.

    Sometimes I use humour to let them know they are being unreaonsable, by teasing. Ur every situation is different.

    I think our mind is like a garden, something we both like😊🌸 – so I try and nurture the positive and give as little real estate to the negative as necessary. Obviously weeding is necessary, and we need to experience the negative, but I try not to let other ppl’/ bad behaviour feel like a reflection on me or take it personally, because it’s not. Love ur posts 💗🌸😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have so missed you, Mia! Yes weeding is always necessary and sometimes what we think are “weeds” are actually medicinals and good for us. This is partly what inspired this post.

      And so I am determined to change my own mind and let mean people strengthen my resolve! Now…what that actually looks—I need to practice. 🙃

      You made my day today, Mia. I always appreciate your words of wisdom here. Delighted to see you.🤗💓

      Like

      1. Ooo I love that some weeds are medicinal! Very wise way of looking at it. I agree definitely can learn a lot from what triggers us😊❤️! Maybe even change our own world view. Sometimes growth is painful or unpleasant. Very well put. So happy to see your virtual presence again 💪🏻 ! Totally brightened my day🥰

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes. Exactly what you just said is exactly what inspired this post! And I am even more convinced of the awesome nature of reality which is completely beyond my understanding. Trust.
        May I repost your comment as part of another post? You’ve summed up so well my intentions.😊

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Ah… mean people. Yes, I’ve had my fair share of dealings with those! I love that what Gandhi said so closely resembles what Jesus said… that we should love our enemies as ourselves. ❤ So many skip over that because it IS hard! And I know, in myself, in this flesh… I'd never be able to accomplish it. See, I used to BE a mean person. Maybe not for "no reason"… like, I was never a bully or anything like that. But what God saved me from… even my children will tell you, "That's not the same Mama we used to have!"

    Thank you for sharing this. I think it hit home mostly because I do SO MUCH of my (over)thinking, lol, over dishes. Or laundry. Or trips to the bathroom. An introvert at heart, avoidance has always, always, always been my main method of defense against all things, mean people included. I have to remember, as I hope that you will, that mean people are mean because of THEM…not because of YOU ❤ That seems to always be the case.

    Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Stacey thank you so much for your wonderful comment! Yes this is the point—to love our enemies as ourselves—it IS hard…until we can see in ourselves a ‘mean person’. Then, the defense falls away. I have no defense.

      It’s a process…and I am no saint! I struggle. And some mean people in my life—well they can stay mean without me! All by themselves. And I can love them from a distance.

      Thank you for sharing—God saves. Your children are blessed to have you. 😊

      Funny you say about overthinking in the bathroom as the post I am writing at the moment to follow my last post…takes place on the commode. Sometimes life just happens that way.

      So happy to connect with you through our dear sweet Renee! Blessings to you and your family! 💓

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My goodness, YES… isn’t Renee a blessing!? 🙂 I had to laugh about your latest blog composition space…hey, we gotta do what we gotta do!

        I was thinking about what you said about how some mean people can be mean without you. How you can love them from a distance. And you’re right! I heard it said once that just because you lose me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table. I think they said Jim Carrey said that, but I can’t be sure as I haven’t researched it, but I totally get that!

        Thank you for your kind words. I do pray that I am able to be the blessing God intended me to be for my children. I got a lotta past to erase, but “as far as the East is from the West” covers it pretty good, praise God!

        I look very forward to reading more from you 🙂 And I pray you are blessed, protected, and guided by our Jesus! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes Renee is a blessing! A dear friend. Grateful to have connected with she and so many sweet bloggers here.

        Yep. Something we all have in common—our bodily functions.😉

        I like it—no you don’t gain me as an enemy. There are so many other things I’d rather do than spend energy devising plans to destroy someone. Let them go…in peace.

        You are welcome…and I understand. Praise God indeed! I hope you do enjoy my latest post on the commode. Thank you as well for the prayers—likewise may you be held in the loving arms of our Lord.🙏🏻💓😊

        Liked by 1 person

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