The Queen’s Gardener Chapter 6: About Me: But Who Really Cares?

July 4, 2020

Continued fromChapter 5

About Me: But Who Really Cares?

This poem is about me. But who really cares?

I’m just

Another

White girl

Devoid of color. Right?

This is what they would have you believe.

Last time I checked,

White orchid on my windowsill

White

Is

Still

A

Color.

Holy cow! Mysore, India

I am a white-woman-full-of-color!

And not your typical “Decorator white”either. No.

After a good cry.

I have a tint of pink and

admittedly–

I don’t fare so well in the blazing-hot-equatorial-sun.

I

Was

Born

To immigrants on the Westside of Chicago.

A city street in the village bares my father’s handiwork–a proud “Old World” craftsman he was;

Even I can’t afford to live there now. I hear it’s a nice part of town.

My family came from Eastern Europe

After the war.

“Relocated”

You get the idea.

They did their best.

What more do you want?

Who really cares about a poor white girl from nowhere struggling to fit into a bottomless square hole anyway? Adults can be cruel, but some kids are just mean!

“You eat weird food and talk funny.”

But, I loved school. And my teachers. And all my colored friends…

Imagine my father’s surprise when

He realized the same people

(and by ‘people’ I mean ‘ideology’)

Who seized my grandfather’s farm and

Burned down my grandmother’s home

Were now the very same people educating me!

They taught me

I would never be:

Man enough.

Good enough.

White enough.

Unless (and no one need say it out loud)

I forgot my family’s language and

My ancestry

They lied.

But,

For a time

I believed them.

What choice did I have besides ‘paper or plastic’?

I had “Good Times”

And wasn’t I lucky?

…After the shooting of the two policemen at Cabrini‐Green, a teen‐age black youth in the project strolled by a slightly older black and, with a grin, said: “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life, a head for a head — and two for Fred.”

It is with the police that ghetto residents have the most frequent and abrasive contacts, but the police have been called on to deal with a situation of staggering social chaos created by poverty and abetted, accord ing to many blacks, by the pol icies of the city’s powerful Democratic political organi zation.

https://www.nytimes.com/1970/08/09/archives/in-the-ghettos-of-chicago-policemen-are-targets-murdered-policeman.html

Oh! I could go on, but by now you must be bored of me!

Tell me about you.

Where does your family originate?

What do you ache for

And what haunts your dreams–

Do you dream in color?

Dear Lord, don’t make me ‘color-blind’. Remove my blinders that I may clearly see

All your creation–every color–glorified in You!

May all who have lived and died for freedom be blessed in Your sight.

You and I have something in common,

Don’t we.

Slavery.. I know, they didn’t teach us this in elementary school.

Thank God for Wikipedia and the internet! “Knowledge is power!”

Do you care about me now? Or am I

‘Just-another-white-woman‘ uninteresting to you because you think I lack diversity?

Diversity is deeper than the color of my skin…

I am NZain, The Queen’s Gardener.

Yarrow

Thank you for reading and kind words of support. My heart is filled with joy, gratitude and love even as I struggle with shortness of breath and fatigue. This is no joke! Please take care.

Right wrong or indifferent, this story of “The Queen’s Gardener” is my peaceful protest in light of the darkness unleashed in the world today.

May God show mercy on ALL His children, and give the Devil his due.

May The Queen be pleased.

Happy Birthday, America.

If it’s true, “the pen is mightier than the sword”, then I aim to continue writing…

Author: NZain

@ukiezhinka

15 thoughts on “The Queen’s Gardener Chapter 6: About Me: But Who Really Cares?”

  1. Very well done Nina! Keep up the fight and keep writing! I really like how you did this series. My grandparents on my mom’s side came from Sweden and on my dad’s side from Scotland. They came to Canada and worked hard with others to make it a better country. That’s a good idea for people today too. Have a great weekend Nina!😀😺And yes, I agree, please take care.

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    1. Hi Steve. Yes! It was difficult for everyone—all had to make sacrifices and struggle—and work together. And of course—compete for resources too, no? It was about survival. Wasn’t so long ago either…we’ve come all long ways in a short time. But I think what’s happening today is just a part of the process. Painful as it is.
      This is a strange series—not at all what I started with…a little girl in the garden.
      You take care too, Steve. I’ll be in touch.🖐😻🙂

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      1. I just hope we survive the process in a good way. So much happening in such a short period of time. This has certainly been quite a year, and it’s only half over!
        Thanks Nina! Enjoy the remainder of your weekend!😃😺🌞

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  2. I care, Nina. We all have back stories, whatever the colour of our skin. It may have been easy for some but for most of us, wherever we live, life has not always been easy. But that does not take away the struggles of those disadvantaged more than us.
    I love the way this series has moved. Our writing is influenced by the times we live in.
    Take care, ma. 🤗❤️

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    1. Thank you, ma for your kind words. 🥰
      I’ve been thinking about this and discussing all day with my husband—the idea of an “advantage spectrum.” Thinking of qualities of the most advantageous—and the least advantaged.

      Personally, for me the one who is most disadvantaged is someone who falls into despair and hopelessness…and who can see no way out of their suffering. A bad mental attitude—and they won’t change their ways. On the other side is the one who has reached samadhi conscience. What do you think?

      While in Mysore, a couple came to study yoga—he had no legs and she was blind. Neither spoke the language. And Guruji got down on the floor and taught them both—to the best of their ability.

      You inspire me so much, ma! Thank you always for your insights and comments! I have so much more I want to write!

      Glad you are enjoying this series—I have great hopes for our world. And you also take care🤗💓

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      1. You put it so well. It is all in the mind. You are downtrodden only if you think you are. We have to be strong for ourselves. Samadhi conscience…absolutely!

        What a wonderful example you have shared.

        You are so kind, ma! I always enjoy your words. Please continue spreading joy and sunshine. 🤗💕

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  3. Oh my God I loved reading this. I’d love to know more! You’re just a ray of sunshine and that is a show of STRENGTH after everything you’ve been through-my heart aches. And, I must say, You are *absolutely* gorgeous. Even after a good cry you’re GLOWING! Don’t allow anybody to get you down and snuff out your light!! The world is already so dark

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      2. Goodness this state is falling into chaos! People are losing their minds! Definitely some strong love is needed here. The real kind.

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  5. You are so absolutely gorgeous my friend! I agree with someone else here-simply glowing! And you know, I love the heart! 🙂
    Your words always make me pause and think. The world is in such chaotic upheaval! It makes me sad at times! Yesterday my hubby had left the news on and walked out of the room. I was busy cleaning the kitchen and looked up, unfortunately, in time to see that someone had burned a flag. I started crying! I told my daughter, who turned the tv off by the way, that it really upsets me to see the beloved flag get treated like this! The one my father went to war to defend!

    I have Native American on both sides, (Choctaw, Chickasaw on mother’s side and Cherokee on my paternal grandfather’s side) Irish from my paternal grandmother’s side and English on mother’s side. I’m a melting pot! 🙂

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    1. Renee, I thought of you when I wore the heart—a hand carved obsidian given to me by the carver. 🖤 precious.
      There is chaos and upheaval—and yet we are told not to fear “be still and know I am God.” Not to burry our heads in the sand—but to get get buried by the chaos either. I have a dear friend who is in Portland now—a state trooper. A good man. I worry he gets jaded by what he sees…I keep reminding him that this is in God’s hands. It’s ALL God! God’s play. We have to play our own roles too—without letting despair or hatred take over.
      So in the face of darkness—I turn towards the sunlight…
      A chance for us to stand up and let our voices be heard and remember our fathers and grandfathers who fought for us! Be strong and proud of them!
      “forgive them Father—for they know NOT what they do.”
      I like melting pots when flavors meld and enhance one another. You have gorgeous eyes!! Love and big hugs to you and your family! Brighter days are coming—hold on!🌈🦋👍💓😊

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