May 17, 2020
I had been thinking so I started writing
Which got me talking…
And then it all became so crystal clear in front of me that
I could reach out and touch the thought–but it was just an illusion.
A resplendent sun shines today—but not for me.
Inside, my downcast skies are cloudy.
I am feeling sadness. I am feeling loss.
Pelagic depths of emotion, the
Siren beckons and with an inhale I
Slip
Beneath
The surface.
Exhale.
Dive deep into me and
With the heart of an explorer
Discover the shipwreck of your soul—find the
Treasure that awaits…
Not a day goes by when I don’t think of her.
And to think—I wanted to grow up to be ‘just like her’.
But I am not her.
I lost her many years ago. I still feel the loss today.
Wouldn’t it be so easy to just pick up the phone, call her,
“Hi, Mom! It’s me!” and
Pretend?
Pretend that everything is—what? Fine?
Breathe.
Everything is not fine; everything is the best that it can be.
To this I reconcile my sadness.
To this I surrender all hope of a return to what I once knew…so long ago.
There is no good reason to stir up the past!
The waters are calm now—
And clear.
From the profane muck below,
Rises a sacred lotus flower above,
That today
Opens
Under a resplendent sun!
Inside my inner skies
Passing thought-clouds arise—
And then fade away…
I am feeling.
The loss of a loved one to her addictions—I
Used it take it so personally. And
It was devastating. How could
She do this
To me?
It wasn’t personal. It was her loss.
I know this
Now
After
Many
Years struggling to understand.
Some things remain a great mystery.
Some questions have no good answers—
Neither does sadness.
It simply is.
And it too passes just as the clouds
Revealing
Once again—
The resplendent sun.
–NZain💓
PS. Mom, if you ever have the chance to read this–I forgive you.
You’ve created a thoughtful journey and gift of your sadness, thank you 💝🌸🦋
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You are very much a part of this, Suzanne. 💓
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💓hugs 🤗
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🥰🥰🥰
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Beautiful post Nina 🦋💐🌻🙂
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I knew you would understand, Ally😊
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simply beautiful Nina sending you love and hugs
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Thank you, Gina—always. Love and hugs received and given.
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💓🤗
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Oh, Nina! I don’t know what say. Hugs, my dear. You expressed yourself beautifully. 🤗❤️🌷
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Aww—that’s the best thing you could say! Hugs, dear Punam. 🥰🤗💓
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🤗❤️😊
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We struggle to understand so much, and it never quite crawls into our forever open arms, We get unsteady, life seem to unravel, and it does indeed take years to sign off into a release forward.
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Mmmmm….yes. Keep going onward and upward and forward. Thank you for adding your wisdom to this, Watt. 🙂
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Sometimes there are just no words for our sadness, but you found a way to voice them. 🤗 And other times sadness takes on the form of a tear…. Praying for you my beautiful friend! Your pics were a lovely touch…especially the heart, maybe even two…💜
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That heart is just for you, dear friend.💓
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Awes thanks! 🤗💜 What a fitting symbol of your heart that is still strong, in spite of all it’s been through…
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…because of all it’s been through😊 🙏🏻
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Sometimes there are just no words for our sadness, but you found a way to voice them. 🤗 And other times sadness takes on the form of a tear…. Praying for you my beautiful friend! Your pics were a lovely touch…especially the heart, maybe even two…💜
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Beautiful, Nina. I feel your love, loss and acceptance. ❤️
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Thank you, Cindy.🙏🏻
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