March 20, 2020
“What time is it” he asked
“Time for us to talk” she said “I have some questions to ask…”
Have I ever lied to protect you
Lied to protect myself
Have I felt embarrassed and ashamed and kept silent because the thing was too painful to speak aloud
Have I smiled when there was no reason to smile when instead I should have cried
And have I cried when there was no reason
Did I do the best I knew how when I didn’t know any better
Could I have done anything differently
Would it change anything now
For better or for worse
Have I learned these painful lessons so deeply ingrained in the cracks of my heart—the glue holding me together—while the rest of me falls away
Have I become the woman I dreamt of when I was still a young girl
Am I stronger now those dreams are shattered
Am I awake or still dreaming and can I control the dream
Can I envision my future self and what she would say to me now if she heard me asking so many questions
What would she say?
What words of advice compassion or admonition would she offer me now in this dark hour of contemplation when all hope seems lost and I feel so utterly and totally alone—
Or would she say nothing at all and instead just simply show me
To all of the awesome bloggers who have kindly supported, liked, commented, and just generally been super cool humans–thank you. My deepest gratitude and appreciation.
While this story is personal, my hope is for the millions of people who struggle with abuse, addiction and loving those who suffer with addiction, they may see themselves here and find courage to continue the daily battle to overcome whatever demons they may face. We are not alone. May God bless us.