Shattered Chapter 4:Reflections on the Irrational and Transcendental.

March 14, 2020

3:1415926536…am

My thoughts return to You

Always to You,

Oh Lord

You are the whole

I am a fraction.

The logical mind finds it difficult to comprehend the transcendental.

“You are being irrational!”

“Exactly! You don’t understand a thing I am saying! Stop trying to fix me…I am not broken.”

“You talk in circles!”

“And you think too linearly.”

So we picked at each other’s scabs until the old festering wounds oozed their long held poison.

The smell of rot made us both recoil.

“I hate you” I hear myself say.

Love directed by fear, fueled by anger, expressed as hate.

As long as you fight with me—we stay connected just a little while longer. Right?

Did you want me to hurt? The way you were hurt? Did you want me to feel your pain?

So I would understand? So I wouldn’t do to you again what was already done?

How did we get to this place?

Hand in hand. Pushing and shoving. Pulling each other.

I don’t know any other way; this is how I learned…but I’m willing to learn again.

Can you teach me? Can you show me the way?

Holy Spirit sweet and true

Guide me ever and only

Towards You.

When I stumble and miss my aim

Recall to me

Your sweet name.

There is still more pain in him.

“Healing takes time,” he said.

“Yes.” I said. “I understand.”

(Together we could have ruled the world, You and I…)

I am glad we were finally able to make some sense of that long ago but not entirely forgotten episode. These burdens we’ve carried serve only themselves. And they are selfish. So selfish. But, they are also weak and can’t stand on their own. Let them fall away. Let them go back…crawling.

I was messed up” is as good an answer as any. I understand completely. I forgive you. I was messed up too.

And in forgiving us, I forgive myself.

That really is the hardest part isn’t it? Forgiving oneself. Forgive us.

Wasn’t it you who said, “mornings are wiser than evenings”

(Yes. I read it an old Russian fairytale)

The owl is quiet.

All is quiet.

And now

I am quiet.

–NZain

Author: NZain

Finding my way forward...

39 thoughts on “Shattered Chapter 4:Reflections on the Irrational and Transcendental.”

      1. Homemade blueberry pie??!!😲 What a nice thought. It’s been a long time for me. I used to like it hot with ice cream!😋 So good. Coffee always gives a good boost!😂😹☕☕🌞

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      2. Yep. In honor of Piday. Hubby makes the crust and I make the inside goop—team effort. Yeah, hot pie. I like it with yogurt for breakfast. Are you off all dairy?

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Your country is still in lock down, yes? I can only imagine…
        I think my husband and I already had the virus, as soon as we felt it—stayed home, lots of rest…do our best—we both feel much better. It’s been more than two weeks now.
        It seems to be worst for the elderly. This is difficult. But what can we do?
        It will pass. We will get through it—and we will become stronger. I hope.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yup, we still are in lock down, the whole country is now a ‘red zone’ but, as you said, there’s nothing we can do but stay at home and hope we’ll get out of here as soon as possible. 💪🏼💪🏼

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      3. We will. We have before. So many times. This is somehow different I feel. An awakening? I don’t know, we have to wait and see. I think this can bring us closer together—but we have to be strong and clear-headed. Panic only makes more stress! What do you think?
        my heart goes out to you and all humanity. 💓🙏🏻🦋 I’ll keep posting positive images.

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      4. Thank you for your support, J. And I so enjoy reading your thoughts too! We are all in this together. Pessimism won’t do us any good and neither will panic….and if this truly is the beginning of “The End”—even more reason to be remain calm. 🙏🏻

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You are a good friend with a big heart and much kindness to give. I’m grateful for that. Gentle, makes me think of pumpkins. A few years ago I gave up all my plastic pumpkins as fall decorations. They get brittle with time and break. So, now in September I get real ones instead, several! I put them all over the yard and let them go. I watch them soften with time and the seeds pop with new life. Sometimes I even get the beauty of a bright yellow flower. I haven’t gotten the gift of another pumpkin yet…but who knows. 🙃 Like them, I’d rather soften myself with time than become brittle and break. 🤗❤️🌷

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      2. Yesterday while grocery shopping I picked up pumpkin pie (thought of you!) and zucchini squash seeds. Looking forward to the future…

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