Message From My Soul To My Heart Again. 💘

December 11, 2019

This piece I’ve posted before. I hope it’s still relevant today. Maybe even more so.

WLaG,

NZain

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Grandma: “Дівчата плачуть! Хлопці плачуть!”

Me: “Dad? Why is grandma always talking about the ‘girls and boys crying’?

What happened?”

Dad: “It was a long time ago…”

Me: “How could they do this to us? I hate them!” (stamping my little foot down)

Dad: “Hey, don’t you ever hate the people for what happened. It was a few ‘dummies’ in office. It wasn’t the people. Don’t you ever hate the people. We are family. We are blood…”

Message from my soul to my heart.

Until you can forgive me—sincerely and truly reconcile me—

There is

nothing more

I can do

for us.

And you make me and my words a hypocrisy.

You think I have all the answers?

Are you-out-of-your-ever-loving-mind?

Do you honestly think I have a clue

As to “what the HELL” is going on here?

“Life is a joke.” And

I am as clueless as anyone.

But still.

I am

willing to play

the game;

run the experiment.

For the sake of us.

Even if you don’t support me.

Even if you don’t understand…

I’m sorry

I got you

in into

this mess

In the first place.

I had no choice.

It wasn’t mine to make.

Maybe I said too much.

“Just trying to live life like a human.

But I am not human. Am I?

So I should know better.

What does it mean to be human…

There I go again

Stumbling and bumbling along

Making a fool of myself—

Just for the laughs.

Just for the smiles.

Just to know

there is

ONE

safe-place

in the

WHOLE

Universe

I can be myself—

in all my

Шикарний відвертість.

Is that too much to ask?

I found that place.

It’s right next

to courage

under a book

I once read long ago…

I would take you there; if only you were willing to follow me.

But—

I warn

you now

in advance

Don’t follow

too closely.

Sometimes

I trip and fall….

These words

may never

be read, but

they have

to be written.

Now.

While I still remember them;

While I still can write them:

If

what I say

becomes the death of me—

I will not stray

Oh Lord

from Thee.

I vow today

Tomorrow

And

Everyday—

I

Live

And

Die

Free.

So tell me then,

What are the rules

Of this game?

And what is the goal?

Why bother with any of this in the first place?

And what’s in it for me?

Am I a narcissist?

But

a “true” narcissist

doesn’t ask such

ridiculous questions.

And

only a “non-narcissist”

would be offended

by such a silly question.

So perhaps I am somewhere in-between?

And that brings us back to the first question:

“What the HELL” is going on here?

And “What’s the @#$% point?”

“Life’s a joke…”

And a damned-funny-one at that!

None of this

could have

happened

without you.

You do know that, right?

The

last

time

you

left

the house

“SEE YA!”

leaving a trail of mud behind you—

I was sure.

It would be.

The last time.

I ever saw you again.

And I was frightened like a child…

But I am a woman.

And I know: “Everything happens for a reason.”

So I took a bath.

And when

I returned

to see you

sitting there

in your

favorite chair.

I thought, “All is well.”

But I was wrong…

Inside-

a-fire-raged-

in-your-

cold-stone-heart.

A-half-century’s-worth-of-pain.

Hidden…

The Damned: “Did I do that?”

The Child: “Forgive me.”

The Woman: “I sincerely apologize.”

Where do we go from here—

is anyone’s guess…

So much hatred

To contend with.

How is it—

to hate

is easier

than

to love?

How is it

humans guard

their hearts

with fear

and hatred

against

the unknown?

I can’t hurt you

if I can’t get through

your layers

upon

layers

upon

layers

of armor.

But you are hurting.

Aren’t you.

And it has nothing to do with me…

I’ve been with you

since the beginning. And

I have no intentions of leaving you.

The

Answer

Is

Inside

Your

Cold

Stony

Heart.

Let it burn.

Author: NZain

Finding my way forward...

12 thoughts on “Message From My Soul To My Heart Again. 💘”

  1. The deepest of the deep found on the surface of what it is to drive a human life; a host in a hostile place full of love.

    That’s life.

    I love this.

    Peace.

    Ian

    Like

      1. And I you, M’Dear!

        Healing healing healing a break down; living ashes smoldering with life by reconstitution in red-tinged ember and ash as winged regrowth is testing the quality of air that would support a renewal of faith that must enlighten a once burdened flight …someday soon. Hope incubates a new beginning within the spent pyre where the old phoenix has died.

        We know this story. Just wait and see!

        LOL…

        All my Love you inspiring flame!

        Like

      2. Yes, we know this story…it has a happy ending..then we start a new story.

        I love the image here of a fledgling Phoenix just about to take off in flight on the edge of something big…waiting for primary flight feathers to grow. Patience…more patience…

        I’m glad to know you are healing—don’t stop! Keep going…the best is still waiting.

        Love receiving and giving to you and yours!
        Nina💓

        Like

  2. Habibty ya Nina 🙏🏼🌺 I am enjoying reading your posts and poetry. I don’t normally read what we call poetry, I am inspired by your generosity in offering what you do, on your blog. So much to process and wonder at. It may get me to paint again, your courage and catharsis. Thank you for this it comforts me. Sending u so much love Mira xxx

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

    1. Habibty ya Mira! So good to see you here—I feel us closer together and it’s wonderful! Glad you are enjoying these writings. Yes, I understand about reading poetry. It can be difficult. I try to write so that my ‘engineer’ husband will understand. Simple words. Strong images.
      I’m glad you are inspired to paint. That is the best compliment of all! Yes, we all have our issues. Some worse off than others. But still, we must move forward no matter what. No matter how broken we may feel. This is my message.
      Then, I truly believe something remarkable may happen in the world. Maybe just a dream…but I am hopeful. Love receiving and giving. Xoxo, Nina
      ps. I love seeing your country flag show up on my blog stats—makes me smile to know you are here.

      Like

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