November 3, 2019
I don’t want to believe
You would still hurt me
Like you do. Like you did this morning.
We just can’t seem to get through
To one another–we need each other. Now.
More than ever. Now. We need
Each other’s loving arms wrapped around;
Holding each other up–not
Tearing each other down.
Is this really what you want?
Is this how you really want to continue?
I can’t stop you from becoming angry with me. I can’t
Stop you from doing anything. I don’t always
Agree with the things you do.
And I AM SCARED.
I’m scared of what you might do to me…physically or emotionally–hurt
Is hurt. You know it. I know it.
I do hope one day you learn to
Control your own anger. Not
With drugs, alcohol or sex; with
Patience and compassion.
Is this me ‘telling you what to do?’
As you said to me this morning: “deal with it”.
I’m telling myself as well…
I hope you are
Smiling right now–because I
Don’t say this out of spite as much as sadness…and
Hope. (Maybe there is still some spite mixed in with the sadness; but
there is always more hope :))
And I don’t say this lightly…I wish you one day find the peace you are looking
For. And may you attract a stronger woman than myself. I give up.
I can’t help you heal your broken-heart–if
You won’t let me in.
What ever happens now
I won’t soon forget you.
In this life
Or the next.
Your once loving
The one you laugh with, live for–
Do you remember the time?
I couldn’t wait to be with you again.
We rushed in headlong
Not looking where the road may lead. Ok.
We did what we did. Not
Easy to swallow when the
Forgiving ourselves is more
Difficult than forgiving
One another. No?
Once, long ago I asked you if
You would marry me. Now
I’m asking you if
You will divorce me.
I don’t ask this lightly
And I’m not asking out of hate.
(I know you feel the same)
“I love you…I can’t take anymore.”
Inside–I’ll be ok.
I’ve met good kind people who
Encourage me to keep going—
Keep healing and keep sharing
My poetry and my art. For this,
I am grateful.
I know there will be other difficulties
Getting back on my own two feet again; and
I sure would appreciate your help.
And please–before you get
Involved with someone else. Ok?
I just don’t want to make the same mistakes again…
Yes, when you met me I was
Incredibly naive about taxes and
Everything else adult.
You know this.
And you knew I
Carried heavy baggage.
Too young. Too pretty. Too proud.
Too easily seduced.
Now, I’m too old. And
Not so pretty anymore.
But not so easily seduced either.
I have you to thank for this.
If you have read this far. I appreciate your time and the time
We did share together. Laughing. Dreaming…
Short though our time together was; I could write a million more words.
I’ll stop here instead.
With love and gratitude,