The Beginning of the End.๐Ÿ™ƒ

October 6, 2019

Hi! My name is Nina–the N in NZain–and this is the beginning of the end of a year long commitment to my blog Growingupsideways:

Surviving Childhood Emotional Abuse, Politics, Religion and Sex.

Thank YOU! This blog wouldn’t still be here if not for YOU! There were times I wanted to quit…but your words comforted and I felt in YOU a kind heart. A mutually supportive friend. Although we have never met in person–together, here in the virtual world–we’ve created a little more love in the real world.

And none of this blog would ever have happened, if not for you, my LOVE…you know who you are…

Many years ago

You swept me off of my feet; and

When I sent you an

SOS–you didn’t let me fall…

You were kind,

Compassionate and


You caught me

UP! In


Encouraging words and


let me

back down

Reminding me of the time…

I am forever and a day grateful

We crossed paths


In the End

We made mischief & magic. And




Something new is

Being birthed here…and dying.

The Beginning of the End.

A different story





Own ashes.

All the lovely interactions here have been medicine to my wounded heart. As I read the stories of other survivors–I am humbled and comforted knowing we are not alone…we are everyone.

And as I work through and grow up–processing my own issues with abuse–I feel blessed to be here with you. Thank you for reading, for liking, and for helping me make this blog grow with ALL of your wonderful comments and emojis. Sometimes all you need is a ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I’m the girl from NOWHERE

Who never truly belonged ANYWHERE

Traveled the world over…


Just trying to find my way HOME.

Born in AMERICA to

UKRAINIAN immigrants.


They did their BEST to make a BETTER life in the NEW COLD ONE.

Yes, they made mistakes (who doesn’t?).

They learned…they sacrificed…they died.

They planted trees. They made beautiful homes and communities:gardens for future generations so as to be remembered by well. They built churches to remind them what they had left behind. And they fought. Good Lord how they fought!

And they wept as well. With difficulty telling their stories in hushed voices, silence and pain. It is in the silence that I’ve come to understand just how terrible and awesome is this existence.

Now here I am, doing my best to hopefully entertain and inspire you, with these words and videos that are made entirely by me with the technical assistance of my dear husband and precious one. None of this exists without your love and support, Pa! None of it!

If you are enjoying what you see here, please let me know in the comments. Your kind words inspire me to continue creating new projects. And they definitely make me ๐Ÿ˜Š

So please stay tuned to The Beginning of the End…and as always with love and gratitude,

Nina, NZain

Author: NZain


53 thoughts on “The Beginning of the End.๐Ÿ™ƒ”

      1. Great question. Hmmm…bored? No. Not at all. There is an eternal well-spring of inspirationโ€”endless possibilities. But even my old eyes get tired and need a rest from the computer screen.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I am so glad I met you Nina! Your gifted creativity is amazing! I enjoy every pic, narrative, bespectacled, poem, singing and music played…Keep them coming my friend! You are an inspiration! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ


  2. I used to silently read but this time I need to say something: your words are pure motivation.
    Keep going in this direction with your life, think positive and good things will come.


  3. such a smooth flow of thoughts streaming through your words – keep on growing – it’s really the only sensible option – for a downward spiral is no way to get by – we always have a choice – our attitude is completely our own making. Once a maiden was dreaming, she was enchanted at once, then frightened too – a monster came from the darkness – she screamed, “What will you do to me!?” What a strange reply … it still puzzles me hearing that monster say, “I don’t know lady. It’s your dream!”

    Love you ๐Ÿ˜‰


    1. Ahhhh!!! I LOVE IT, David! Yes, it is our dream. Our choice. Thank you for your wise wordsโ€”seeing you here always makes me smile. Love you too.๐Ÿฅฐ


  4. I should have replied sooner but was having trouble figuring out what to say. Your blog, your words, you, have been a real inspiration to me and a wonderful, amazing help. I have tears in my eyes, for I wish you would stay and continue to be this blessing to others, there are many out there who need someone that can honestly share with them. But I know that staying just to stay wouldn’t work out for you. Since there is a new journey ahead I know that is the best thing for you to do. Whatever that journey is, you will be blessed in it and so will others I’m sure. But you will be certainly missed, as will your beautiful peaceful garden, your wonderful videos, your singing. Thank you for being here, I’m so glad to have met you in this virtual world. I hope you have a wonderful week, and thanks for stopping by also!๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ˜ธ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚Due to a recent injury this outdoor loving person will be spending a lot of time indoors, for up to 2 months. The amazing things that happen sometimes, this has been quite a year!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜น


    1. …wait…I missed it. What did you do???? Dear Lord, Steve what happened? Still the back? Something else….sigh…a good time for you to go inside indeed. Be well, my friend and thank you for your kindnessโ€”and your honesty. Now Iโ€™ve got tears in my eyes…

      Iโ€™m glad to have met you too. Maybe we will meet againโ€”Iโ€™ll still be me. We will recognize each other! Iโ€™ve learned so much from this experience…and how I would do things differently. Clean up my act so to speak. But for now…well…this story has to come to an end for something else to grow…death and life…rebirth.

      But hey! Iโ€™m not gone yet so donโ€™t cry just yet! Teehee! Thereโ€™s more singing to come! So Iโ€™d better get back to work…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was being stupid and jumped over a little stream. We have had so much rain there is water everywhere now and there is a stream across the path I walk on. That was a week ago. I finally went to the ER this morning the pain was so bad, could barely walk. They sure got me in fast, even before other people, apparently it could have been something very serious. It isn’t. I have a badly torn muscle in my groin area, hockey players have this problem a lot. I don’t play hockey. I made things worse by not getting in right away. Naturally. So it could be 2 months before I’m back to normal again. My mailbox is 100 feet from my door, can’t make it that far! I felt it right away when I jumped, but decided to keep on with my walk anyway, figured that would help it. I barely made it back. Even with a cane I can hardly walk around my apartment.๐Ÿ˜ฌ The doctor couldn’t believe I waited so long. Oh my. We had 2 beautiful days and I couldn’t get down to the river for pictures!๐Ÿ“ท๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚ That’s me.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜นLooking forward to more singing from you Nina!๐Ÿ˜


      2. Oh, Steve. ๐Ÿ™ˆ Sigh…glad it isnโ€™t seriousโ€”but ouch!! That hurts! Two months, eh? Well…the adventure continues. The healing begins. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป I hope someone is there to take care of you. What did the Doctors say? Just rest?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Mostly at the beginning I am supposed to rest, but gradually start walking, just short walks, like up and down the driveway here.๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ It’s a hundred feet long. So I do that once at the start and slowly build up. Just be sure to stop before straining it again. I will be going for physiotherapy too.
        Right now just walking around my apartment is hard, and very painful.๐Ÿ˜ณ What a time.๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ™„ No one here to help. Except Muffin.๐Ÿ˜ฝ And basically she just tries to trip me.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜นBut she cuddles with me more, I think she knows something is wrong.๐Ÿ˜ป
        This is one adventure I didn’t really want, but, I always take chances it seems and sometimes that means trouble. Good thing Muffin is here, she slows me down some, or I would take worse chances.๐Ÿ˜€ Seems I have always been that way. There is a chance I won’t quite get back to where I was. And I will have to be very careful, easier to hurt things the second time.๐Ÿ˜ฒIt is a cold, rainy day again. Good weather for staying inside. But that part is really hard for me. However, new challenges build new strength.๐Ÿ˜Hope your day is good!๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚๐ŸŒง


      4. Oh goodโ€”physiotherapy will help you. Sweet Muffin. They can tell when something is wrong for sure. Two months will go by quickly. Itโ€™s been 4 months today since I broke my thumb. It still isnโ€™t a 100 % yet, but getting betterโ€”just starting to see the โ€œhalf-moonโ€ white forming again. Still numb…
        Well, Iโ€™ll just have to make sure I keep posting more videos to keep you company, eh? Iโ€™ll come by for a visit today and see what you are up to. I ๐Ÿ’— all your nature photos!!
        Yes. New challenges. New strengths. Learning to walk again…๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿงธ๐Ÿ™ƒ

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Have to wait 2 weeks for my physio appointment, I hope it will help. Wow, 4 months already! Time does fly. I think I might end up with cabin fever early this year. Being indoors a lot does that to me.
        Good idea! More videos! Only did 2 posts today, might not have done any but those were ready ahead of time. Oops, one was Muffin’s post. Good thing she is sleeping…on my lap.๐Ÿ˜ป
        Challenges are good things, if we look at them right. But I think I will try to stay away from this one again!๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™„ Apparently it’s easier to injure after being done once.
        Sorry for the slow response, it was a rough day and I haven’t been on the computer since doing Muffin’s post. Hope the remainder of your weekend is good! Thanks for chatting, much appreciated.๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜บ
        This is our Thanksgiving weekend, lonely way to spend it. Oh well, better times coming.๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒžA little snow today too, 2 inches.๐Ÿฅถ๐ŸŒจโ›„


      6. Good morning, Steve and Muffin. Yep, Iโ€™ve got a cat on my lap now too. Heโ€™s purring away nibbling on my hands if I stop petting him…letting me know who is in charge.
        Never a need to apologize for slow responses. Itโ€™s always sweet to chat with you whenever! You are having a rough go, huh. I feel for you. Things can happen so fastโ€”change our worlds! Haha! Ask me how I know!
        Canadian Thanksgiving, eh? What is on your gratitude list?
        Two inches of snow? Do you think that there there really are no two snowflakes alike? That always blows my mind!โ„๏ธโ˜ƒ๏ธโ„๏ธโ›„๏ธโ„๏ธ

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Hi Nina! Muffin is beside/on me in our chair once again purring away and watching me type.
        Yes, that is so true, changes can come fast. I’m glad it didn’t happen during the summer when the weather was so nice for walking to the river. So, if it’s going to happen, now is definitely a better time.
        Oddly perhaps, I am thankful for our modern technology, so even though stuck indoors I still have contact with the outside world. I will be writing more about gratitude tomorrow.
        Yep, no 2 alike. Example, you have 11 people, how many different ways can they be arranged? Nearly 40,000. Each snowflake is made of millions of water molecules. How many different ways can they be arranged? Countless. And each freezes at different times and different temps as it bounces around in the clouds at different heights. No 2 would ever freeze at the same time or temp. More countless ways. The numbers would be staggering. It would really be impossible for two to be alike. I like science, true science. I know, I’m odd. I love to learn about these things, different animals, plants, ,so many amazing things out there that God has done. More gratitude.
        Question, when you read my blog posts, can you see the menu bar at the top? Hope you are enjoying your Sunday!๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚๐ŸŒจโ„โ›„


      8. Well, Steveโ€”if you are odd for liking scienceโ€”then so am I! And I love โ„๏ธ! As kids my dad would turn off the inside lights and turn on the outside lights just so we could sit at the window and watch them fall down. I still do that. So cool when they land on the window and you can see them before they melt…

        When I read your blog posts on the readerโ€”no I canโ€™t see your menu bar. But when I visit your actual site then yesโ€”and it looks very nice indeed. I especially like the way your photos are arranged on the side.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I was wondering, several people have mentioned they can’t see the menu bar, for me it always shows so that doesn’t help. I wonder why it doesn’t show?๐Ÿค”
        I admit, it is nice to watch the snow falling at night with the outside light on.๐Ÿ˜€โ„ And winter scenes look nice too, especially while sitting on a beach in some tropical location!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I would actually like winter if the temp never dropped below 50F.
        Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!!๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜บ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚


  5. Nina. So sorry I missed these beautiful words of connection, at so many levels… connection and love and gratitude for everything. You are talented and an inspiration, your creative spirit knows no bounds ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ


  6. Ugh BEAUTIFUL. I almost cried. You are so lovely. Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with us and allowing us to be part of your journey!


    1. Now youโ€™ve got me all teary eyed! Thank you, Nathan for being here. Iโ€™ve so enjoyed getting to know you and your own lovingly beautiful soul.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: