Love that pic of Mr. Cat trying to hide, just great! Your garden is looking fantastic, makes it worth all that weed pulling. Mr. Cat’s fur looks like Muffins, kind of thick, just a different color. Great pics, thanks for sharing them!😄😸
Glad you like them. Yeah-cats are wonderful creatures. Dogs too. All of them. 🙂
Ok, break over-back out I go! Thanks for visiting in the garden 🙂 keep the poems coming!
Hi Nina, finally back from my walk and rested, somewhat anyway. Oh my. These last few days, you probably guessed it was about Ilona and I, if so, you were right. I don’t know what happened. Everything was going good. We loved each other. She deleted her blog, which I knew about ahead of time, she was just too stressed about it now. We were talking that evening, well email, everything was normal. Next day I sent an email and it came back, she had changed her email, phone number and deleted her instagram. So I had no way to contact her. I must admit I was shocked, still am, I just don’t understand what happened. There was certainly not even a hint of a problem. If she had told me it was all over and why, it would have been hard, but not as hard as this. I must admit I’m sick. I was planning to go back this winter for another visit and make some plans for the future. I’m thinking she might have told her parents finally and maybe they were not if favor, but that’s just a guess. I nearly shut down my blog, still thinking about it, but several people lately have been saying how much they enjoy my blog so it kept me going. But it’s kind of hard to think right now. I sure never thought this would happen and the way it did. Just seems so unlike Ilona to do that. Sorry to bother you, but you did open the door, should never do that! I’m actually sitting here crying, I don’t admit that too often. Thanks for letting me talk, it helps, I just have no one here I can talk to anymore.😕
Hang in there….I’ll be right back. But do read my most recent post. Ok? And while you are at it—listen to your fellow bloggers who enjoy your blog. How long has it been since you started writing? No bother at all…door is open, sit awhile have a cup of tea my husband just made…I just have to tend to some chores—yes, even while camping we still have chores…
Yep, read it. Chores follow us wherever we go, that’s true. Writing or blogging? Blogging has been 2 years now, but more seriously since last September.
Two years is a long time to just stop. You would miss us all too much. And Muffin would be mad.😾👿😡
Methinks there will be some soon-coming heartfelt poetry to write….it hurts, ask me how I know. And it feels helpless when there’s nothing you can except respect the other person’s space, right? Yep.
Aw Steve, I wish you 💙healing prayers too. Thanks for visiting here in the garden, my favorite place. Feel free to share your thoughts. It’s no trouble. You aren’t alone. You have lots of folks here who also was for you all the best! Remember that! 😊🎭🧢🙃
2 years is a long time and I would miss all my new friends here, but it is hard to write and pretend to be cheerful when I’m melting inside. I thought about taking a break for awhile but then I might not come back. Poetry? I think this just might stop the poetry for a long time unless I keep it just on the fun side. Hard to say, still have some already written anyway to use for now. Helpless is right. I keep praying that things will yet work out. Meantime I keep pretending I guess. Thanks so much for your time Nina, might have to visit your garden again, nice peaceful spot!!🙂😺🌳🌼💚
💙🧢🐳🐬💎🧿 I’m praying that all work out for the best. Madame is in my prayers…rest well, my friend. There’s an old saying—“mornings are wiser than evenings.” I’m going to go watch the sunset and see if I can make a picture…I’ll respond in the morning 🌅
Good morning, Steve. I hope you rested well. It’s a bright beautiful sunny morning here. Coffee always tastes so good outdoors…
I feel for you—and for Ilona. I hope she finds balance in her life she needs—and if that means shutting down her blog and stepping back to regroup—great! I wish her all the best. A bright shooting star…
As for you….I hope you find within your own heart a peaceful spot with which to express ALL your self. Not just the fun silly side—but also the real world nitty gritty heartfelt painful side. I know—it’s difficult. But totally doable. You might even surprise yourself with what you discover…
I’m sending you much love and support, my friend. And please do visit—write your heart out if you need to—cause there’s no judgement here—just prayers for healing🙏🏻🧸💟🍦🤗
Hi Nina! You’re right, coffee does taste so good outdoors. That’s why I like to take my coffee out on the deck early in the morning. I agree with you about Ilona. I know she was very stressed, more than she would admit on her blog, but she did tell me that. I could handle a time out for however long she needed if I knew that’s what was going on. I guess not knowing what is happening is the hard part. I didn’t sleep well last night, I need to eat better too before I really cause myself some problems. I made a good meal last night, but could barely eat anything. Overreacting? Perhaps, maybe I’m too sensitive. Express the real world heartfelt painful side? I can’t. I have several family members that read my blog. They were never in favor of Ilona and I and they made that known! If I try to say anything they would just be jumping all over me worse than ever. Talk about extra stress. They have also been giving me a lot of hassle over my blog, they think I should be writing differently. A number of other people have been saying that lately too, get rid of Muffin, be serious all the time, write about this thing or that. Calling me stupid, hopeless, useless and some other things I won’t repeat. Telling me Ilona could never love me. When I sit here and think about it, I’m saying, maybe they are right. Why would a beautiful woman like Ilona love me? What do I have to offer? And the other things. All of this going on over the last month. Amazingly I wrote a poem for Ilona, shed a lot of tears doing it, but there was some relief too. Maybe it helps to write it out. Even this helps a lot. Thanks for letting me, and for not judging. I certainly don’t blame Ilona, sometimes getting away is a needful thing. I still pray and hope she comes back. Stupid thought perhaps? Maybe. But that’s me. Thanks again Nina, I hope you have a great day by the ocean!!🙂🌞⛱🌼💚⛵
Hi Steve, glad you can write it out here. And glad you could find some relief writing! Such good therapy! Even if you never show anyone you poem—It’s for you and you alone!
Ah family…you know—they are probably right—not that you aren’t lovable and have nothing to offer. Not that at all….Hey—there’s an idea—write about all the great qualities you do have to offer. I bet it will be a long long poem! And I’ll bet you will feel better about your self.
If I listen to all the people who tell me what I should and shouldn’t do—I wouldn’t be here. Time for me to start thinking about the afternoon chores at camp.
See ya tomorrow! 😊🙃😊
Feels good to write it out for sure, thanks for that opportunity. Hmm, my family is right? About which? I went through a time before when everyone was telling me I should do things this way or that way and I tried to do just that. But it never worked, just made me so stressed and actually threw me into depression trying to please everyone. That was not fun, don’t want to end up there again. I can’t be someone I’m not. Nothing wrong with making changes in our life but changing according to others demands just doesn’t work. Didn’t work for me anyway. Change the way I write? Can’t do that either or I would no longer enjoy it and I would quit. About Ilona? Sorry, can’t believe that one either. Maybe I’m just too stupid to see. If I can be that wrong then it’s time for me to quit blogging and writing completely. I guess time will tell. Oh well, I have never claimed to be intelligent. Right now I’m worn out so shall stop. Thanks again Nina for this opportunity.🙂🐱
“If you are overworked, overwhelmed and have no time for yourself, there is no space for anything new to solidify.”
I just read that this morning and thought of our dear Ilona…
It’s true! Trying to be someone for others never works. Never. I think it’s good to check in when others tell us things—maybe they are wrong, maybe we are wrong. I find when my beliefs are challenged—I go deeper—and I always learn something new…and most times I discover that I’m actually stronger than I first thought.
Rest well, friend and keep writing! Steve, you have such a talent for writing—don’t stop! And you are most welcome 🙏🏻 give Muffin a scratch from me 😊
Good morning Nina! I agree that it’s always good to check ourselves when others tell us something. But as you mentioned, I just can’t be someone I’m not. It would be like living a fictional life. I tried this once before and ended in a mess which took me a long time to recover. I don’t want to go through that again. And it’s close right now. People keep asking me to say HI to Ilona, let her know she is missed, etc. Each time someone says that just stabs a little harder. I guess they all figure I am still in touch with Ilona. But I have no way to do so. I know I failed somehow, I just wish I knew how it happened. I could change it then. I sit here trying to figure it out. I just remain a failure. Thanks so much for your encouragement Nina and for letting me talk, it does help, instead of just sitting here thinking. I know if you hadn’t opened this door for me I would have quit by now. Thank you, it’s a nice peaceful garden you have here, hope my presence doesn’t mess it up for you! Have a wonderful day by the ocean!!😄😸🌞🌳⛱
Not long ago I wrote a poem “where did my my friend go? Maybe I said too much, perhaps not enough…” anyway, she blocked me out of the blue. Had no idea what happened. I still miss her. But….she also taught me a great lesson—and for that I am so grateful to her. Anyway—the point is—I too felt I had failed—same, what could I have done differently—all of it. It’s difficult…but soon you will see the truth…
Ok, a quick one today—we are on the move…I’ll check back in when I can maybe in a couple of days. Keep writing!!! Glad you aren’t quitting. And even if I’m not here—you can still visit in the garden…
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Good morning Nina! I hope you are away from the smoke again. Not fun breathing that all the time. I don’t mind it if it’s not too bad, but it’s tough when it gets thick. Muffin is right beside me this morning, kind of odd for morning actually. I think she senses there is something wrong. Well, my family knows what has happened now and they are happy, jumping for joy for at least one of them. Saying I told you so, I told you she could never love you, she was just using you (how, I’m not sure). Proof to them that I’m a failure. And I have to agree with that one. But how did I fail? What did I do? I sit and think and nothing. I want to know so I don’t do it again. Guess I’m just plain stupid if I can’t figure this out. But there’s not even a hint anywhere. So now I’m afraid. I might do this again. And it’s hard to pretend all the time too. And people keep asking about Ilona because they figure I’m still in touch with her. People are surprised to find out I’m not. And it’s not making things any easier. I’m thinking about doing a post to let people know that Ilona is gone and just let them know what I know, which isn’t much. But then everyone would know and maybe it would stop the questions. What do you think about that? Would it be a good idea? Or should I just leave it? I have an appointment so have to go. I hope your day goes great for you!🙂😺🌞🌳
Good morning, Steve. Ok, a few questions for you. Failed at what? Not getting a woman to return your affections? Join the club—you are in good company—how many of us have failed at one time or another. Unrequited love. It happens. A lot. And usually for good (great) reason. Ok, that’s probably not what you want to hear right now…
You don’t have to tell me (if you don’t want) but what we’re the last words exchanged before Ilona went silent? There is your clue? maybe?
Do I think it’s a good idea for you to write a post? Oh gosh—follow your heart. Will it bring you peace? Closure? Are you doing it for you? Your readers? Ilona? Can you let her go gracefully? ‘Prayer for a friend’. I wish her well. I do hope she finds peace within her own heart and strength as well. I hope she grows from this experience and is able to discover what it is she needs to be truly alive and contented.
I hope the same for you as well. It is hard to pretend. Being authentic and sincere is always a much better way to live. Always. And—it’s easier too.
Well, Steve, I hope this helps you sort yourself out—just remember you CANNOT sort anyone else out. That is not failure. That is respect. We’ve all got lessons to learn. 💟🍦🍦🙏🏻
Failed at what? I don’t know, that’s the problem. Ilona did return my affections, we felt the same about each other and talked about it. We had agreed not to go too fast. But we both felt we loved each other and that it was real, not just emotional. I certainly don’t blame Ilona for anything. I’m the one to blame if anyone. I just wish I knew where I failed so I could change so it wouldn’t happen again. So I have to agree with my family on that, I’m a failure, but what? Sigh.
What did we talk about? Not anything terribly important, I just checked. I have all our emails. We were talking about her shutting down her blog because it was causing her so much stress and she was angry a lot which her friends and parents had noticed. She was laughing because the people that hated her blog could no longer leave their bad comments and she wouldn’t have to read them anymore. I had twisted my ankle, which was swollen and she asked me if I had any cream for it. She told me to eat because I hadn’t eaten much that day. She had been reading something in a phsycology book that she thought showed we were going in the right direction. She said she would be checking her email more regularly since that was the only way I had to keep in touch. That was it. Nothing else at all. I was talking with another blogger and he and Ilona talked a lot and she had told him how excited she was that her and I had found each other and how much we loved each other and she couldn’t wait for us to get together. And this was the same day. Next day she cut off communication. So that’s everything. I have gone through every email since I got back from visiting her, there is nothing to even hint at a problem. I was down by the river, just looking out across the water, watching the swirling current, and cried like a baby. Thought it would make me feel better. It didn’t. Pretending, not fun, but necessary right now. But it sure is hard to write anything right now, I can’t think. But as my friend here said, that’s because your no good for anything. Somehow that didn’t really help. I shouldn’t be bothering you like this. Anytime you want to delete my wanderings go right ahead. I know something has to change soon or I will be back into depression again. Oh well, minor point. Thanks so much, you have been so helpful Nina, I really appreciate that and for letting me use your garden. I miss having a garden. Family coming to visit for a couple days, ones that are really giving me a hard time, this could be very stressful. Another minor point I guess. Lessons to learn for sure. Enjoy your afternoon Nina, I will try not to bother you for awhile.🙂😸🌞🌳
Ahh ok now I’ve got a better picture—it’s sad. Truly sad. But now I don’t understand why you think you failed? And why you think you are to blame? Doesn’t make any sense. You say that she was stressed about her blog and angry. Hmmm…That certainly had nothing to do with you. Bad comments? Also not your failing. Sounds like you were a supportive friend who wanted the best for her. And it sounds like she too loves you. Sigh.
But it sounds like she has more to work out with her own stress and anger. And you can’t help her with that. And she must realize that too—she has to work it out herself. I am so sorry, Steve. It’s difficult and there isn’t anything anyone can do—except hope. Hope she can get through this and that she learns to cope with the stress and pressures of the spotlight. Sad. She has so much to offer…but anger doesn’t help anyone—especially those who have come to follow her.
And you…yes, sounds like something needs to change indeed! You aren’t a bother at all. I’m just not qualified counselor! Ha! Just a friend who is here to listen and ask questions—but if you are concerned about depression then perhaps you do need to speak to someone qualified in your town who can help you get through this and help you cope with the grieving process. I will certainly keep you in my prayers. And you keep Ilona in yours—when you are sitting watching the swirling currents. Maybe that’s what you need to write your post about—you have wonderful WP friends who care about you and Ilona too! The more people who know—the more prayers…just a thought.
Thanks so much Nina. Well, according to my family, if I didn’t fail then Ilona would have stayed in touch. Maybe I didn’t help her enough with what she was going through, although she said I was a big help. The anger part I didn’t know about until near the end, the last 2 days. I’m just so worn out from all this, I need to stop thinking about it for awhile I guess, but that’s not easy either. Maybe Ilona just needs to sort some things out and then she will get in touch again. I’m praying for that. I do have someone to go to if I need a professional counselor, same one as last time actually. But to be honest, it was help from a couple friends that did more for me! Unfortunately they are not around anymore. One moved, don’t know where he is, the other died from cancer last year. I’m praying for Ilona, thanks for your prayers Nina! Write a post about this? Would like to, but can’t, my family would be jumping all over me if I did, more stress right now I don’t need. Maybe down the road a bit. Can’t even post a poem without problems. Oh well. By the way, listening can be more help than anything sometimes and questions are good, in case I miss something. Thanks for the ice cream!😀 I’ll need it!🤪😂Enjoy your afternoon!😁🌞
Well, it’s been a while since I last visited your garden Nina, thanks once again, it sure helped a lot and I have felt a lot better since my last visit. Anyway, just wanted to say that Ilona has been in touch. She needed time away from everything. So we are talking again. But slowly, which is fine with me. Don’t mention anything, she doesn’t want people knowing she is around, not yet anyway. Thanks again Nina, you were such a big help and I very much appreciate that! I am glad you were here this summer.🙂🌳🌼🌻
Oh good I’m so happy to hear this! Wonderful news! Yes, slowly going is the best…and no worries, secrets are safe with us in the garden.
Please visit anytime. You are always welcome.🌸
Hi Nina! Yeah, I’m back in your garden again, it’s such a nice peaceful place. Just to let you know, maybe you already do, there is nothing now between Ilona and I. She has found someone else that she has known longer and I think it would be the best thing anyway. I’m down, but at least I know what’s going on and that helps a lot. To be honest, I never thought it would work out, but I was hopeful it might somehow. But it makes sense that it wouldn’t. I really don’t have anything to offer a woman anyway so I’m better off by myself (and Muffin). Thanks for letting me use your garden. Guess I won’t need to visit here anymore. But who knows?😁😸🍁🍂
Oh Steve….inhale…sigh…
Ilona—if you ever come to read this—I wish you all the best of success in all your endeavors. Be well. 🙏🏻
Ok, Steve, so sounds like you are in need of an “esteem booster”? You are in luck—I just happen to have one. Have a seat and listen up.
“I really don’t have anything to offer a woman…”
Top 5 Esteem Boosters for Steve and what he has to offer a particular woman of God’s will.
1. God. Made in God’s image. What more do I need to say?
2. Friendship. After 23 years of marriage—I can tell you—friendship is vital to a lasting relationship.
3. Humor. So is humor.
4. Authentic kindness. So rare these days and so super valuable.
5. Peaceful nature. A gentleman has much to offer a gentle lady…
I could go on with more….but now it’s your turn.
Do you see here how in the garden every plant (in order to thrive) has its place? Some like only sunny spots—while some prefer the shade. Some plants are companions and do well next to each other while other must be separated.
Stay a while and wander about the garden—there is much to discover here…
Thank you Nina, just got back from my walk, guess that’s sort of my garden, though I think I’m getting too nervous to go back there any more this year. But who knows? I’m crazy enough to take chances. Good thing I have Muffin or I would really be taking chances, been that way all my life I guess.
Thanks for the list Nina. I truly appreciate it. You brought tears to my eyes with that list. I know you are right I guess. Perhaps God just doesn’t want me to get married. Me add to the list? I could make a list of my flaws easily enough. I have a few. Here’s one major flaw, I have scoliosis, a curved spine, so my body is a bit crooked. That turns people off, even friends.
I certainly hope Ilona never reads any of this. It might be a good idea to delete all that previous stuff. I wouldn’t want her to feel bad, I want her to feel good and have a wonderful relationship. But you have given me much to think about, thank you.
I will wander about and might come back again. That list still amazes me! Hope your weekend is fantastic!🙂😺🌞
Hey we have something else in common! I have scoliosis too!! Woohoo! Not only am I crooked—I’m twisted too. Teehee. That’s why I started yoga (20+years ago) to help straighten me out. It’s been a long hard road—but slowly over time it’s working.
My husband has one leg shorter from an motorcycle accident he had 30 years ago. Almost lost his leg—but he does ok too with yoga. Limps a bit…still, we try and walk every day. But some days it just hurts…so you see—you are in good company. 🙈🙉🧸🙊
Tears can be wonderful. Cleanses the heart. 💘💘💘
And as far as deleting—there is no shame here in anything we’ve said. True honest feelings are never bad. And Ilona would see that yes—she had quite an effect on you—on many people here. And it hurts…but we want for her best and hope she is truly happy! That is a beautiful thing! Right? So don’t you worry about it. And anyway—I hope maybe somebody else might read this and benefit. That’s the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. And you my dear sweet and humble friend, Steve have made this experience truly exceptional! It wouldn’t be as wonderful without you! 😊😺
I am grateful for every single word written here and I am honored that you would consider me your friend to confide in. And already I think there is a new poem spinning in my brain “Perfectly Flawed” How does that sound?
Keep this list close by and yes—add to it. Everyday consider something about yourself that you are grateful for. Then you think about stuff you are ungrateful for…hmmmm…
Glad this is giving you much to think about. Hey! There is another something you have to offer…
I love him! He looks like he has such a personality. Omg, my neighbours have a cat I’m obsessed with, always look for him when I go on my walks. Kind of reminds me of MIster Cat! Love your garden too! So beautiful 🌸💐🍁🍄🌾🌺🌻.
Ah hello, dear Mia! Thank you for visiting. How does your dog feel about the neighbor’s cat? He’s a cutie. 🙂
Yea-there’s a lot going on in the garden right now—so many bees and butterflies…
and Mr. Cat supervising. 😻
Oh sweet!! Just realised I only get notified by email for likes and not comments so I haven’t responded to a lot of messages. The neighbors cat moved :((, my doggo is doing good though 😊😊😊. Hope Mr. Cat is happy 😊❤️
😻🥰 Mr. Cat is super cool—teehee—he’d love his own fan page. Gardening is therapy for me. I’m watching a little hummingbird in the catnip right now…
Yes it’s hard heavy work, but also a pleasure caring for our little corner of the world. 🙂
Looking forward to your next post, my friend💜
So, I’m not sure if the video on my post “Happy beginnings” worked or not—it’s footage of a hummer that my husband rescues. Check it out—it’s pretty sweet. Special little creatures for sure 🙂
Oh!!! I don’t think I saw the video!!! I just watched it now. So so SO amazing. Beautiful, fragile, tiny tiny little creature! I can’t believe your husband is holding her in his hand!!! My heart is melting 💕💜💜
I loved this! Dare I say, there is something beautiful about the way your husband so gently cradles that little bird, and rescues her. Your own Prince Charming in your own fairytale. I’m starting to understand the inspiration 💜💜
Haha! He is indeed! Thank you for visiting my garden. I’m so enjoying your travels, Narine. So many beautiful places in the world! And to be with friends! Lovely. 🙂
Growing Up... 
What a cutie!!!!
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He’s a terror!! 🙂
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Love that pic of Mr. Cat trying to hide, just great! Your garden is looking fantastic, makes it worth all that weed pulling. Mr. Cat’s fur looks like Muffins, kind of thick, just a different color. Great pics, thanks for sharing them!😄😸
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Glad you like them. Yeah-cats are wonderful creatures. Dogs too. All of them. 🙂
Ok, break over-back out I go! Thanks for visiting in the garden 🙂 keep the poems coming!
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Have fun, makes me long for a garden again!😃😺
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🌻💜😊🧚♀️
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Hi Nina, finally back from my walk and rested, somewhat anyway. Oh my. These last few days, you probably guessed it was about Ilona and I, if so, you were right. I don’t know what happened. Everything was going good. We loved each other. She deleted her blog, which I knew about ahead of time, she was just too stressed about it now. We were talking that evening, well email, everything was normal. Next day I sent an email and it came back, she had changed her email, phone number and deleted her instagram. So I had no way to contact her. I must admit I was shocked, still am, I just don’t understand what happened. There was certainly not even a hint of a problem. If she had told me it was all over and why, it would have been hard, but not as hard as this. I must admit I’m sick. I was planning to go back this winter for another visit and make some plans for the future. I’m thinking she might have told her parents finally and maybe they were not if favor, but that’s just a guess. I nearly shut down my blog, still thinking about it, but several people lately have been saying how much they enjoy my blog so it kept me going. But it’s kind of hard to think right now. I sure never thought this would happen and the way it did. Just seems so unlike Ilona to do that. Sorry to bother you, but you did open the door, should never do that! I’m actually sitting here crying, I don’t admit that too often. Thanks for letting me talk, it helps, I just have no one here I can talk to anymore.😕
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Hang in there….I’ll be right back. But do read my most recent post. Ok? And while you are at it—listen to your fellow bloggers who enjoy your blog. How long has it been since you started writing? No bother at all…door is open, sit awhile have a cup of tea my husband just made…I just have to tend to some chores—yes, even while camping we still have chores…
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Yep, read it. Chores follow us wherever we go, that’s true. Writing or blogging? Blogging has been 2 years now, but more seriously since last September.
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Two years is a long time to just stop. You would miss us all too much. And Muffin would be mad.😾👿😡
Methinks there will be some soon-coming heartfelt poetry to write….it hurts, ask me how I know. And it feels helpless when there’s nothing you can except respect the other person’s space, right? Yep.
Aw Steve, I wish you 💙healing prayers too. Thanks for visiting here in the garden, my favorite place. Feel free to share your thoughts. It’s no trouble. You aren’t alone. You have lots of folks here who also was for you all the best! Remember that! 😊🎭🧢🙃
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2 years is a long time and I would miss all my new friends here, but it is hard to write and pretend to be cheerful when I’m melting inside. I thought about taking a break for awhile but then I might not come back. Poetry? I think this just might stop the poetry for a long time unless I keep it just on the fun side. Hard to say, still have some already written anyway to use for now. Helpless is right. I keep praying that things will yet work out. Meantime I keep pretending I guess. Thanks so much for your time Nina, might have to visit your garden again, nice peaceful spot!!🙂😺🌳🌼💚
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💙🧢🐳🐬💎🧿 I’m praying that all work out for the best. Madame is in my prayers…rest well, my friend. There’s an old saying—“mornings are wiser than evenings.” I’m going to go watch the sunset and see if I can make a picture…I’ll respond in the morning 🌅
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Good morning, Steve. I hope you rested well. It’s a bright beautiful sunny morning here. Coffee always tastes so good outdoors…
I feel for you—and for Ilona. I hope she finds balance in her life she needs—and if that means shutting down her blog and stepping back to regroup—great! I wish her all the best. A bright shooting star…
As for you….I hope you find within your own heart a peaceful spot with which to express ALL your self. Not just the fun silly side—but also the real world nitty gritty heartfelt painful side. I know—it’s difficult. But totally doable. You might even surprise yourself with what you discover…
I’m sending you much love and support, my friend. And please do visit—write your heart out if you need to—cause there’s no judgement here—just prayers for healing🙏🏻🧸💟🍦🤗
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Hi Nina! You’re right, coffee does taste so good outdoors. That’s why I like to take my coffee out on the deck early in the morning. I agree with you about Ilona. I know she was very stressed, more than she would admit on her blog, but she did tell me that. I could handle a time out for however long she needed if I knew that’s what was going on. I guess not knowing what is happening is the hard part. I didn’t sleep well last night, I need to eat better too before I really cause myself some problems. I made a good meal last night, but could barely eat anything. Overreacting? Perhaps, maybe I’m too sensitive. Express the real world heartfelt painful side? I can’t. I have several family members that read my blog. They were never in favor of Ilona and I and they made that known! If I try to say anything they would just be jumping all over me worse than ever. Talk about extra stress. They have also been giving me a lot of hassle over my blog, they think I should be writing differently. A number of other people have been saying that lately too, get rid of Muffin, be serious all the time, write about this thing or that. Calling me stupid, hopeless, useless and some other things I won’t repeat. Telling me Ilona could never love me. When I sit here and think about it, I’m saying, maybe they are right. Why would a beautiful woman like Ilona love me? What do I have to offer? And the other things. All of this going on over the last month. Amazingly I wrote a poem for Ilona, shed a lot of tears doing it, but there was some relief too. Maybe it helps to write it out. Even this helps a lot. Thanks for letting me, and for not judging. I certainly don’t blame Ilona, sometimes getting away is a needful thing. I still pray and hope she comes back. Stupid thought perhaps? Maybe. But that’s me. Thanks again Nina, I hope you have a great day by the ocean!!🙂🌞⛱🌼💚⛵
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Hi Steve, glad you can write it out here. And glad you could find some relief writing! Such good therapy! Even if you never show anyone you poem—It’s for you and you alone!
Ah family…you know—they are probably right—not that you aren’t lovable and have nothing to offer. Not that at all….Hey—there’s an idea—write about all the great qualities you do have to offer. I bet it will be a long long poem! And I’ll bet you will feel better about your self.
If I listen to all the people who tell me what I should and shouldn’t do—I wouldn’t be here. Time for me to start thinking about the afternoon chores at camp.
See ya tomorrow! 😊🙃😊
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Feels good to write it out for sure, thanks for that opportunity. Hmm, my family is right? About which? I went through a time before when everyone was telling me I should do things this way or that way and I tried to do just that. But it never worked, just made me so stressed and actually threw me into depression trying to please everyone. That was not fun, don’t want to end up there again. I can’t be someone I’m not. Nothing wrong with making changes in our life but changing according to others demands just doesn’t work. Didn’t work for me anyway. Change the way I write? Can’t do that either or I would no longer enjoy it and I would quit. About Ilona? Sorry, can’t believe that one either. Maybe I’m just too stupid to see. If I can be that wrong then it’s time for me to quit blogging and writing completely. I guess time will tell. Oh well, I have never claimed to be intelligent. Right now I’m worn out so shall stop. Thanks again Nina for this opportunity.🙂🐱
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“If you are overworked, overwhelmed and have no time for yourself, there is no space for anything new to solidify.”
I just read that this morning and thought of our dear Ilona…
It’s true! Trying to be someone for others never works. Never. I think it’s good to check in when others tell us things—maybe they are wrong, maybe we are wrong. I find when my beliefs are challenged—I go deeper—and I always learn something new…and most times I discover that I’m actually stronger than I first thought.
Rest well, friend and keep writing! Steve, you have such a talent for writing—don’t stop! And you are most welcome 🙏🏻 give Muffin a scratch from me 😊
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Good morning Nina! I agree that it’s always good to check ourselves when others tell us something. But as you mentioned, I just can’t be someone I’m not. It would be like living a fictional life. I tried this once before and ended in a mess which took me a long time to recover. I don’t want to go through that again. And it’s close right now. People keep asking me to say HI to Ilona, let her know she is missed, etc. Each time someone says that just stabs a little harder. I guess they all figure I am still in touch with Ilona. But I have no way to do so. I know I failed somehow, I just wish I knew how it happened. I could change it then. I sit here trying to figure it out. I just remain a failure. Thanks so much for your encouragement Nina and for letting me talk, it does help, instead of just sitting here thinking. I know if you hadn’t opened this door for me I would have quit by now. Thank you, it’s a nice peaceful garden you have here, hope my presence doesn’t mess it up for you! Have a wonderful day by the ocean!!😄😸🌞🌳⛱
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Not long ago I wrote a poem “where did my my friend go? Maybe I said too much, perhaps not enough…” anyway, she blocked me out of the blue. Had no idea what happened. I still miss her. But….she also taught me a great lesson—and for that I am so grateful to her. Anyway—the point is—I too felt I had failed—same, what could I have done differently—all of it. It’s difficult…but soon you will see the truth…
Ok, a quick one today—we are on the move…I’ll check back in when I can maybe in a couple of days. Keep writing!!! Glad you aren’t quitting. And even if I’m not here—you can still visit in the garden…
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
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Thanks so much Nina, enjoy your time!🙂
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Good morning Nina! I hope you are away from the smoke again. Not fun breathing that all the time. I don’t mind it if it’s not too bad, but it’s tough when it gets thick. Muffin is right beside me this morning, kind of odd for morning actually. I think she senses there is something wrong. Well, my family knows what has happened now and they are happy, jumping for joy for at least one of them. Saying I told you so, I told you she could never love you, she was just using you (how, I’m not sure). Proof to them that I’m a failure. And I have to agree with that one. But how did I fail? What did I do? I sit and think and nothing. I want to know so I don’t do it again. Guess I’m just plain stupid if I can’t figure this out. But there’s not even a hint anywhere. So now I’m afraid. I might do this again. And it’s hard to pretend all the time too. And people keep asking about Ilona because they figure I’m still in touch with her. People are surprised to find out I’m not. And it’s not making things any easier. I’m thinking about doing a post to let people know that Ilona is gone and just let them know what I know, which isn’t much. But then everyone would know and maybe it would stop the questions. What do you think about that? Would it be a good idea? Or should I just leave it? I have an appointment so have to go. I hope your day goes great for you!🙂😺🌞🌳
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Good morning, Steve. Ok, a few questions for you. Failed at what? Not getting a woman to return your affections? Join the club—you are in good company—how many of us have failed at one time or another. Unrequited love. It happens. A lot. And usually for good (great) reason. Ok, that’s probably not what you want to hear right now…
You don’t have to tell me (if you don’t want) but what we’re the last words exchanged before Ilona went silent? There is your clue? maybe?
Do I think it’s a good idea for you to write a post? Oh gosh—follow your heart. Will it bring you peace? Closure? Are you doing it for you? Your readers? Ilona? Can you let her go gracefully? ‘Prayer for a friend’. I wish her well. I do hope she finds peace within her own heart and strength as well. I hope she grows from this experience and is able to discover what it is she needs to be truly alive and contented.
I hope the same for you as well. It is hard to pretend. Being authentic and sincere is always a much better way to live. Always. And—it’s easier too.
Well, Steve, I hope this helps you sort yourself out—just remember you CANNOT sort anyone else out. That is not failure. That is respect. We’ve all got lessons to learn. 💟🍦🍦🙏🏻
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Failed at what? I don’t know, that’s the problem. Ilona did return my affections, we felt the same about each other and talked about it. We had agreed not to go too fast. But we both felt we loved each other and that it was real, not just emotional. I certainly don’t blame Ilona for anything. I’m the one to blame if anyone. I just wish I knew where I failed so I could change so it wouldn’t happen again. So I have to agree with my family on that, I’m a failure, but what? Sigh.
What did we talk about? Not anything terribly important, I just checked. I have all our emails. We were talking about her shutting down her blog because it was causing her so much stress and she was angry a lot which her friends and parents had noticed. She was laughing because the people that hated her blog could no longer leave their bad comments and she wouldn’t have to read them anymore. I had twisted my ankle, which was swollen and she asked me if I had any cream for it. She told me to eat because I hadn’t eaten much that day. She had been reading something in a phsycology book that she thought showed we were going in the right direction. She said she would be checking her email more regularly since that was the only way I had to keep in touch. That was it. Nothing else at all. I was talking with another blogger and he and Ilona talked a lot and she had told him how excited she was that her and I had found each other and how much we loved each other and she couldn’t wait for us to get together. And this was the same day. Next day she cut off communication. So that’s everything. I have gone through every email since I got back from visiting her, there is nothing to even hint at a problem. I was down by the river, just looking out across the water, watching the swirling current, and cried like a baby. Thought it would make me feel better. It didn’t. Pretending, not fun, but necessary right now. But it sure is hard to write anything right now, I can’t think. But as my friend here said, that’s because your no good for anything. Somehow that didn’t really help. I shouldn’t be bothering you like this. Anytime you want to delete my wanderings go right ahead. I know something has to change soon or I will be back into depression again. Oh well, minor point. Thanks so much, you have been so helpful Nina, I really appreciate that and for letting me use your garden. I miss having a garden. Family coming to visit for a couple days, ones that are really giving me a hard time, this could be very stressful. Another minor point I guess. Lessons to learn for sure. Enjoy your afternoon Nina, I will try not to bother you for awhile.🙂😸🌞🌳
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Ahh ok now I’ve got a better picture—it’s sad. Truly sad. But now I don’t understand why you think you failed? And why you think you are to blame? Doesn’t make any sense. You say that she was stressed about her blog and angry. Hmmm…That certainly had nothing to do with you. Bad comments? Also not your failing. Sounds like you were a supportive friend who wanted the best for her. And it sounds like she too loves you. Sigh.
But it sounds like she has more to work out with her own stress and anger. And you can’t help her with that. And she must realize that too—she has to work it out herself. I am so sorry, Steve. It’s difficult and there isn’t anything anyone can do—except hope. Hope she can get through this and that she learns to cope with the stress and pressures of the spotlight. Sad. She has so much to offer…but anger doesn’t help anyone—especially those who have come to follow her.
And you…yes, sounds like something needs to change indeed! You aren’t a bother at all. I’m just not qualified counselor! Ha! Just a friend who is here to listen and ask questions—but if you are concerned about depression then perhaps you do need to speak to someone qualified in your town who can help you get through this and help you cope with the grieving process. I will certainly keep you in my prayers. And you keep Ilona in yours—when you are sitting watching the swirling currents. Maybe that’s what you need to write your post about—you have wonderful WP friends who care about you and Ilona too! The more people who know—the more prayers…just a thought.
Good luck with your family visit! 🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦
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Thanks so much Nina. Well, according to my family, if I didn’t fail then Ilona would have stayed in touch. Maybe I didn’t help her enough with what she was going through, although she said I was a big help. The anger part I didn’t know about until near the end, the last 2 days. I’m just so worn out from all this, I need to stop thinking about it for awhile I guess, but that’s not easy either. Maybe Ilona just needs to sort some things out and then she will get in touch again. I’m praying for that. I do have someone to go to if I need a professional counselor, same one as last time actually. But to be honest, it was help from a couple friends that did more for me! Unfortunately they are not around anymore. One moved, don’t know where he is, the other died from cancer last year. I’m praying for Ilona, thanks for your prayers Nina! Write a post about this? Would like to, but can’t, my family would be jumping all over me if I did, more stress right now I don’t need. Maybe down the road a bit. Can’t even post a poem without problems. Oh well. By the way, listening can be more help than anything sometimes and questions are good, in case I miss something. Thanks for the ice cream!😀 I’ll need it!🤪😂Enjoy your afternoon!😁🌞
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Well, it’s been a while since I last visited your garden Nina, thanks once again, it sure helped a lot and I have felt a lot better since my last visit. Anyway, just wanted to say that Ilona has been in touch. She needed time away from everything. So we are talking again. But slowly, which is fine with me. Don’t mention anything, she doesn’t want people knowing she is around, not yet anyway. Thanks again Nina, you were such a big help and I very much appreciate that! I am glad you were here this summer.🙂🌳🌼🌻
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Oh good I’m so happy to hear this! Wonderful news! Yes, slowly going is the best…and no worries, secrets are safe with us in the garden.
Please visit anytime. You are always welcome.🌸
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Hi Nina! Yeah, I’m back in your garden again, it’s such a nice peaceful place. Just to let you know, maybe you already do, there is nothing now between Ilona and I. She has found someone else that she has known longer and I think it would be the best thing anyway. I’m down, but at least I know what’s going on and that helps a lot. To be honest, I never thought it would work out, but I was hopeful it might somehow. But it makes sense that it wouldn’t. I really don’t have anything to offer a woman anyway so I’m better off by myself (and Muffin). Thanks for letting me use your garden. Guess I won’t need to visit here anymore. But who knows?😁😸🍁🍂
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Oh Steve….inhale…sigh…
Ilona—if you ever come to read this—I wish you all the best of success in all your endeavors. Be well. 🙏🏻
Ok, Steve, so sounds like you are in need of an “esteem booster”? You are in luck—I just happen to have one. Have a seat and listen up.
“I really don’t have anything to offer a woman…”
Top 5 Esteem Boosters for Steve and what he has to offer a particular woman of God’s will.
1. God. Made in God’s image. What more do I need to say?
2. Friendship. After 23 years of marriage—I can tell you—friendship is vital to a lasting relationship.
3. Humor. So is humor.
4. Authentic kindness. So rare these days and so super valuable.
5. Peaceful nature. A gentleman has much to offer a gentle lady…
I could go on with more….but now it’s your turn.
Do you see here how in the garden every plant (in order to thrive) has its place? Some like only sunny spots—while some prefer the shade. Some plants are companions and do well next to each other while other must be separated.
Stay a while and wander about the garden—there is much to discover here…
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Thank you Nina, just got back from my walk, guess that’s sort of my garden, though I think I’m getting too nervous to go back there any more this year. But who knows? I’m crazy enough to take chances. Good thing I have Muffin or I would really be taking chances, been that way all my life I guess.
Thanks for the list Nina. I truly appreciate it. You brought tears to my eyes with that list. I know you are right I guess. Perhaps God just doesn’t want me to get married. Me add to the list? I could make a list of my flaws easily enough. I have a few. Here’s one major flaw, I have scoliosis, a curved spine, so my body is a bit crooked. That turns people off, even friends.
I certainly hope Ilona never reads any of this. It might be a good idea to delete all that previous stuff. I wouldn’t want her to feel bad, I want her to feel good and have a wonderful relationship. But you have given me much to think about, thank you.
I will wander about and might come back again. That list still amazes me! Hope your weekend is fantastic!🙂😺🌞
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Hey we have something else in common! I have scoliosis too!! Woohoo! Not only am I crooked—I’m twisted too. Teehee. That’s why I started yoga (20+years ago) to help straighten me out. It’s been a long hard road—but slowly over time it’s working.
My husband has one leg shorter from an motorcycle accident he had 30 years ago. Almost lost his leg—but he does ok too with yoga. Limps a bit…still, we try and walk every day. But some days it just hurts…so you see—you are in good company. 🙈🙉🧸🙊
Tears can be wonderful. Cleanses the heart. 💘💘💘
And as far as deleting—there is no shame here in anything we’ve said. True honest feelings are never bad. And Ilona would see that yes—she had quite an effect on you—on many people here. And it hurts…but we want for her best and hope she is truly happy! That is a beautiful thing! Right? So don’t you worry about it. And anyway—I hope maybe somebody else might read this and benefit. That’s the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. And you my dear sweet and humble friend, Steve have made this experience truly exceptional! It wouldn’t be as wonderful without you! 😊😺
I am grateful for every single word written here and I am honored that you would consider me your friend to confide in. And already I think there is a new poem spinning in my brain “Perfectly Flawed” How does that sound?
Keep this list close by and yes—add to it. Everyday consider something about yourself that you are grateful for. Then you think about stuff you are ungrateful for…hmmmm…
Glad this is giving you much to think about. Hey! There is another something you have to offer…
Please do come back anytime. Ok? 💓🙏🏻🦋
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I love him! He looks like he has such a personality. Omg, my neighbours have a cat I’m obsessed with, always look for him when I go on my walks. Kind of reminds me of MIster Cat! Love your garden too! So beautiful 🌸💐🍁🍄🌾🌺🌻.
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Ah hello, dear Mia! Thank you for visiting. How does your dog feel about the neighbor’s cat? He’s a cutie. 🙂
Yea-there’s a lot going on in the garden right now—so many bees and butterflies…
and Mr. Cat supervising. 😻
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Oh sweet!! Just realised I only get notified by email for likes and not comments so I haven’t responded to a lot of messages. The neighbors cat moved :((, my doggo is doing good though 😊😊😊. Hope Mr. Cat is happy 😊❤️
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Mr. Cat is fat and sassy as usual. Sorry to hear about kitty moving—glad your baby is good! Good to connect with you here. 😊😊😊😊
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💗💗💗
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Look at the eyes,so beautiful.
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Great pics and gorgeous cat.
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He likes to watch while I work 🙂
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🙂
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I officially love Mr Cat. May set up an official fan page, he deserves it.
Love this NZain. And your garden looks AMAZING!!!
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😻🥰 Mr. Cat is super cool—teehee—he’d love his own fan page. Gardening is therapy for me. I’m watching a little hummingbird in the catnip right now…
Yes it’s hard heavy work, but also a pleasure caring for our little corner of the world. 🙂
Looking forward to your next post, my friend💜
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Oh, a hummingbird – wow!!! 💙
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Do you have hummingbirds where you live?
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No, we do not!! I saw one once when I was travelling. Spent about an hour trying to photograph it. Like a little bumblebee! 💕💕
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So, I’m not sure if the video on my post “Happy beginnings” worked or not—it’s footage of a hummer that my husband rescues. Check it out—it’s pretty sweet. Special little creatures for sure 🙂
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Oh!!! I don’t think I saw the video!!! I just watched it now. So so SO amazing. Beautiful, fragile, tiny tiny little creature! I can’t believe your husband is holding her in his hand!!! My heart is melting 💕💜💜
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Thought you might like that. 😊
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I loved this! Dare I say, there is something beautiful about the way your husband so gently cradles that little bird, and rescues her. Your own Prince Charming in your own fairytale. I’m starting to understand the inspiration 💜💜
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Is he yours? And hello Mr. Cat! Love your clothes today ❤
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More like-am I his. he adopted us about ten years ago. Now, he owns everything. 😻
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Beautiful garden and cute cat 🐱 what’s her name?
Nature is the best therapy 🌸🌸😊
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Sorry his name 🐱😊
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His name—is Mr. Cat. But sometimes he goes by Mr. Kittiwinkles. 🙂
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😸 this is a cool name
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Great idea with the photos and a simple storyline to go with them.
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Serious cat 🙂
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Haha! He is indeed! Thank you for visiting my garden. I’m so enjoying your travels, Narine. So many beautiful places in the world! And to be with friends! Lovely. 🙂
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