March 31, 2019

She still



‘All-knowing smile’

(She’s seen it before).

On her knees

In her garden

Pulling weeds

From the soil

(And from her soul)

The thought

Of the priest-


“What did you say, girl?”

“You can’t hurt me anymore.”

She rising to her feet

To meet the priest-

Looking deeply into his eyes;

“You can’t hurt me anymore”

And the priest

Knowing she spoke truth-

Turned to leave;

Looking back

To see once more


On her knees


But today

She is in her own garden

Tending her own little patch of earth;

Preparing a place for herbs and flowers to grow…

Thinking back on all she has seen-

(It is, sometimes, too much to bear with a straight face and heavy heart)

She has no choice-but

To smile.

So she continues her work

With dirty knees

And hands-

And gratitude

For the priest


Not understanding

His own part

He played;

Showed her a truth

She no longer can deny-

And awakened

In her heart

A new beginning…

Angkor Wat, Cambodia. Picture taken by me.
Me 🙂

Author: NZain


19 thoughts on “Awakening”

  1. Lovely post! I wanted to show a meme but not sure how, will send on twitter. I made you some poems While back (short haikus), but want to edit them again. It’s interesting you have made your garden. In the poem I talk about how you are a butterfly and the darkness didn’t extinguish you because you were never a match to be snuffed out and discarded. I talk about how the darkness was simply your cocoon of transformation so you could fly as a butterfly. I think heaven is a state of mind, you have awakened it seems and are in the process of creating your own garden of Eden with your body as a temple. God in my view is within us, waiting for us to acknowledge it. A priest should never be valued over God and the Holy Spirit. I’m glad the lies have been revealed of the priest, their power waiting over our precious mind. You are divine. Lovely writing. As always!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Mia for your lovely comment. I appreciate your insights. Yes, garden of Eden is exactly what I had in mind, with the body as the temple-connecting body to earth-and creating heaven on earth. “Ye are gods” Christ reminds his people…

      ‘Cocoon of darkness’ death as transformation. Butterfly as symbol of Psyche-who has to grow up…there is more to the story.

      There is something more about the priest-I can’t quite get my head around it yet- he still has some part to play in this he/she relationship. We will see where this garden path leads. Thank you for participating 🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe the priest needs to be your disciple :). He looks back, which to me shows as you have moved forward and become your own pillar of strength, he now no longer with control over you, must look within to determine who he is, how he is no longer in charge, he must wonder if you have found joy and he has lost your control, what is he, now he has no one to control, he must fcus on himself. His world must shatter. possibly one day, he will return to make amends, to seek the freedom you have found. in this story not once was the priest happy, he looked to the external world to find heaven, by bullying others, but you have shown the way to heaven from within. Sorry typed quickly, lots of grammar mistakes hahaha. great post xxxxxx

        Liked by 2 people

      2. This is great insight, Mia! Gives me lots to think about…let the priest simmer for awhile. It must be shattering to the abuser who has lost control over their victim. Who will they bully now? What purpose does their life have now? Are they even aware of what they are doing-or are they in their mind justified? The powerful feeling they must get from their victim-and then to have that taken away…is it even possible to make amends? Lots to consider here.
        And don’t worry-I’m not going to correct your grammar-haha! I appreciate the input. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you-pictures are fun! I’ve had a passion for macro photography for years—part of being on my knees—part of what gives me reason to me smile 🙂

      The smiling face from Cambodia is especially beautiful-for so many reasons…

      Yes, “a tale of hope and self-love emerging”—Psyche the butterfly from a past ‘cocoon’ of sadness. Lovely! Thank you!

      All of the comments here have added richness and depth. I am humbled. And really, this tale could be anyone’s. Who hasn’t experienced sadness? But still, hope and self-love within are possible-and then just imagine what we could do-when the ‘inner reflects the outer’? I envision heaven on earth. Why not?

      So, I keep on following my path and writing…what the voices in my head tell me—hahaha. And I hope you continue to read and share your insights. 🙏🏻

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for this- healing from abuse happens over and over and yet, once seen from your firm awareness, you can never be taken down that road again. It took me years before I truly forgave my abusers but once acknowledged, the script is now rewritten. We all played our parts and here I am today with the weight of victim relieved. One abuser was capable of remorse, one not, but their responses no longer matters to me. It is their journey now. Gardening (on all levels) is surely a way to heal the wounds we carry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Judi-you are welcome and thank you for reading and sharing your story here.

      Yes, you are so right-we all played our parts. I’m glad you are relieved of the weight of victim hood. Healing is possible.

      And being in the garden, tending to the soil-all of it- a great gift which has helped me in so many ways. Writing, starting this blog and interacting with others such as yourself is also healing. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by offer your kind words. 🙏🏻


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